Friends,
Once again our daughter Kennedy Faith has beaten the odds and baffled the medical community. She is headed back to Rush Copley in Aurora today after receiving the ok from the vascular surgeon.
So…how did we get here once again…
On Sunday as everyone was enjoying their 4th of July holiday, Brian and I were busy packing and putting finishing touches on the nursery. Just days before, our OB scheduled us for an evening induction on the 4th advising us that the gestational diabetes, early rupture of membranes and my advanced maternal age raised the chance of complications during labor or stillbirth after 40 weeks.
Packed and ready to go, we called Labor and Delivery at 7 p.m. as directed only to find that there was no room in the inn, so our induction was being postponed by an hour or so. By 9:30 p.m. 2 more women had come in with spontaneous labor bumping us to 11. At 11, we spoke to an exhausted nurse, who told us to go bed and someone would call with a new induction time, which turned out to be 7:30 a.m. on the 5th.
How ironic that at 17 weeks, my water broke and they were literally afraid she might fall out at any moment. And now here at 39.5 weeks, my body had made zero progress on letting her out.
Beginning at 10 a.m. I was given a medication every four hours to “ripen” the cervix and thankfully around 8:30 p.m. my water broke naturally sending me into a rapid and strong labor pattern.
At that point, my perfect storm of a pregnancy resulted in me having an experienced labor nurse in my room at all times.
Through the pregnancy, Kennedy has been a mover – constantly wiggling out of the way of the monitors at my bi-weekly non stress tests and her birthday was no different. She spend most of the day frustrating the nursing staff by moving out of the monitors reach every 20 minutes or so.
It was nearly 11 p.m. when she again “fell off” the monitor, but this time there was no finding her. After a quickly placed internal monitor detected a very faint heart beat, the entire Labor and Delivery team descended on my room and I was rushed to the operating room.
Brian told me later that he couldn’t believe how calm I was considering it was clear there was something terribly wrong. As I lay on the operating table and the nurses and doctors rushed to prep me, I felt completely at peace – knowing that no matter what happened God was in control.
Several hours later, I awoke to learn that our baby girl would be transferred to Lutheran General for advanced care. I later found out that she was initially unresponsive when born, her blood gases and oxygen levels were poor and her left leg was completely white with zero circulation. The doctors also discovered a massive blot clot in her umbilical cord and feared a similar clot could be in her leg.
They next day, my OB stopped by with the “good news.” While they have zero idea what caused the blood clot, it appears it had been building for while. Had we not been in the hospital for the induction, we likely would not have detected Kennedy slowly slipping away as the clot cut off her lifeline. Had we not had the perfect storm of a pregnancy, we would not have been under the monitoring that resulted in them “catching” the clot.
Late yesterday, the vascular surgeon cleared Kennedy. Although her original symptoms were consistent with a blood clot, they could find no evidence of one remaining in her body and she is now pink and responsive all over.
As I write this, I am anxiously waiting to hold our miracle baby girl for the first time. She should arrive back at our local hospital later today.
Going into the hospital two days ago, we still didn’t have a final name picked out and I told Brian that when she was born I would be turning to him to choose a name. When I woke up from surgery, he told me that Kennedy Faith had arrived – her name means Strength/Strong Faith. She has been God’s greatest gift to us and through her He has strengthened our faith – revealing his goodness, mercy, comfort and blessing in more ways that we could ever comprehend.
Thanks for your prayers and support along the way. Brian and I will be spending a few days alone with our baby girl in the hospital, and look forward to visiting with many of you over the next few weeks when we get home.
Carie Anne
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Monday, May 03, 2010
Day 93
Thirty weeks last Friday - yeah! It’s almost hard to believe that three months ago, we were told unequivocally that Baby Girl would not live.
We are now into our third trimester and Baby Girl continues to defy all the odds. She is BIG for her age – thanks in part to the steroids early on and now extra sugar from gestational diabetes. Physically, she seems to be developing perfectly. Because of the early complications, we will still need to closely monitor her developmental progress for the first two years for neurological challenges, but given her development in the womb things look promising.
While Baby Girl’s due date is actually July 9, our doctor has informed us that she will most likely arrive between May 28 and July 2 – doctor’s choice. Right now, she is being monitored weekly and soon twice weekly.
And, I am finally steady on my feet after a few weeks of considerable pain and uneasiness as I began to get up and around for the first time in 10 weeks. Today, I started back to work at the office on a part-time schedule.
After more than two months Brian’s mother is finally out of the hospital and doing well in rehab. She might even be able to come home by the end of the month.
And another answer to prayer, Brian has taken on a new career opportunity. One we hope will provide him greater peace and flexibility as we enter this new stage of our lives.
As Baby Girl has stabilized and life has begun to settle into a new normal, there has been less to share about our journey in this blog. Unless there is a major status change, you can expect to hear from us again when our little miracle arrives.
Before I go, I want to once again, express our deep gratitude for all the support and prayers, we’ve received since January 31. Friends and strangers reached out to provide us support and guidance as we walked through some of the darkest days of our lives. Without you all, we do not know how we would have made it through these past few months.
Our prayer throughout this journey is that the power, love and faithfulness of our Lord, Jesus Christ would be revealed. So today, I close this letter with a familiar prayer found in Ephesians 3 that for us has never rung so true….
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”
Carie Anne
We are now into our third trimester and Baby Girl continues to defy all the odds. She is BIG for her age – thanks in part to the steroids early on and now extra sugar from gestational diabetes. Physically, she seems to be developing perfectly. Because of the early complications, we will still need to closely monitor her developmental progress for the first two years for neurological challenges, but given her development in the womb things look promising.
While Baby Girl’s due date is actually July 9, our doctor has informed us that she will most likely arrive between May 28 and July 2 – doctor’s choice. Right now, she is being monitored weekly and soon twice weekly.
And, I am finally steady on my feet after a few weeks of considerable pain and uneasiness as I began to get up and around for the first time in 10 weeks. Today, I started back to work at the office on a part-time schedule.
After more than two months Brian’s mother is finally out of the hospital and doing well in rehab. She might even be able to come home by the end of the month.
And another answer to prayer, Brian has taken on a new career opportunity. One we hope will provide him greater peace and flexibility as we enter this new stage of our lives.
As Baby Girl has stabilized and life has begun to settle into a new normal, there has been less to share about our journey in this blog. Unless there is a major status change, you can expect to hear from us again when our little miracle arrives.
Before I go, I want to once again, express our deep gratitude for all the support and prayers, we’ve received since January 31. Friends and strangers reached out to provide us support and guidance as we walked through some of the darkest days of our lives. Without you all, we do not know how we would have made it through these past few months.
Our prayer throughout this journey is that the power, love and faithfulness of our Lord, Jesus Christ would be revealed. So today, I close this letter with a familiar prayer found in Ephesians 3 that for us has never rung so true….
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”
Carie Anne
Monday, April 19, 2010
Day 79
Dear friends,
Time sure is flying. Last Friday, I hit another important milestone 28 weeks – the odds of Baby Girl being able to survive, if she come early, after this point improve greatly with each passing day. We are so thankful.
Since the last post, I’ve taken the doctor’s advice and very SLOWLY started to get back on my feet. While I yearn to go back to my regular life, somehow, the safest thing to do seems to be to stay in bed. Fortunately, I have not experienced any noticeable leaking. On Wednesday, we will be getting new baby pictures and will know better whether everything is still on track.
Brian and I have enjoyed a couple dinners out and we have attended church together the past few Sundays. Now, if I could only make it through worship without completely breaking down in tears that would be progress. I could blame it on hormones, which certainly exacerbate my emotions, but the truth is this experience has so been so humbling…I cannot help but be overwhelmed and in awe of the faithfulness of our Creator.
Unfortunately the weeks of inactivity have taken a toll on my body in more ways than one. In addition to the exaggerated aches and pains caused by loss of strength in my core muscles, my body has stopped processing sugar adequately and so I am in the process of trying to control a new complication - gestational diabetes. And as of my last appointment, my blood pressure has begun to rise, so the doctors are watching that closely as well.
Nothing has been easy or normal about this pregnancy, so at this point, these new complications are just par for the course. My friends remind me that I’ve never been particularly normal, so what exactly did I expect?
I’m not quite sure what I expected, but I can tell you this wasn’t even in my realm of possibility. Even so, every day, we feel so blessed – knowing that with each day that passes we are beating the odds and our daughter has a greater chance for survival.
Thanks for your prayers!
Carie Anne
Time sure is flying. Last Friday, I hit another important milestone 28 weeks – the odds of Baby Girl being able to survive, if she come early, after this point improve greatly with each passing day. We are so thankful.
Since the last post, I’ve taken the doctor’s advice and very SLOWLY started to get back on my feet. While I yearn to go back to my regular life, somehow, the safest thing to do seems to be to stay in bed. Fortunately, I have not experienced any noticeable leaking. On Wednesday, we will be getting new baby pictures and will know better whether everything is still on track.
Brian and I have enjoyed a couple dinners out and we have attended church together the past few Sundays. Now, if I could only make it through worship without completely breaking down in tears that would be progress. I could blame it on hormones, which certainly exacerbate my emotions, but the truth is this experience has so been so humbling…I cannot help but be overwhelmed and in awe of the faithfulness of our Creator.
Unfortunately the weeks of inactivity have taken a toll on my body in more ways than one. In addition to the exaggerated aches and pains caused by loss of strength in my core muscles, my body has stopped processing sugar adequately and so I am in the process of trying to control a new complication - gestational diabetes. And as of my last appointment, my blood pressure has begun to rise, so the doctors are watching that closely as well.
Nothing has been easy or normal about this pregnancy, so at this point, these new complications are just par for the course. My friends remind me that I’ve never been particularly normal, so what exactly did I expect?
I’m not quite sure what I expected, but I can tell you this wasn’t even in my realm of possibility. Even so, every day, we feel so blessed – knowing that with each day that passes we are beating the odds and our daughter has a greater chance for survival.
Thanks for your prayers!
Carie Anne
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Day 60
Today it is my great pleasure to share with you the good news we received yesterday afternoon. New tests have confirmed that God has performed a miracle - nine weeks after my water broke, it appears my amniotic bag has completely sealed over. Baby girl’s development remains on track.
To put this news in context on January 31 when my water broke at 17 weeks, we were told that Baby Girl could not survive and were advised to initiate labor right then and terminate the pregnancy.
Over the weeks that followed, the experts twice again advised us to “abort the fetus.” We were originally told there was ZERO chance our daughter would develop properly or be born healthy.
With the help of our OB, we found a local doctor who had done research with pPROM patients. He told us that on very rare occasions spontaneous ruptures could seal over and so we began nearly 9 weeks of bed rest. He sees 3-4 pPROM patients weekly and in his 12 years practicing had only seen a spontaneous rupture seal over 3 times.
Yesterday, he told us he believes he has seen it 4 times now. Tests confirm there is no remaining evidence of rupture. Fluid levels are normal and the baby is developing “perfectly normal.” However, there is still no way to know whether she will have certain long term challenges, such as cerebral palsey until she is born.
Now, we embark on the next phase of this journey – trusting in what God has done. And so over the next three weeks, I will slowly get out of bed and return to moderate activity. Another three weeks and we will be past the critical 28 week mark. If all goes well between now and then, the doctors might be persuaded to release me for normal activity by the end of April.
The doctor yesterday explained that it is difficult for doctors to throw out the book and “trust” when there is a “weird” development like this. But, he cannot ignore that at this point I appear to have sealed over. So while the book says Baby Girl should be delivered at 34 weeks, he is in agreement that as long as nothing changes, I can carry her full term (40 weeks) – allowing her to fully develop in the womb and avoid an extended hospital stay when she is born.
To be honest, it is difficult for Brian and I to trust, as well. While bed rest hasn’t been easy, it seems easier than walking into the unknown with all the what ifs. The doctors don’t know what caused my water to break and can’t give us any guarantee it won’t happen again. In some ways, it would be emotionally easier to stay in bed and avoid taking any risks.
But from day one this has been a journey of faith for Brian and I, and today is no different. Why God chose to work in this way in our lives is beyond our comprehension. We believe that God has faithfully answered the prayers of hundreds of friends and strangers and has interceded on our behalf to heal our baby daughter when no doctor or medicine could. And so we will continue to trust in Him, walking obediently by faith day-by-day, casting out fear and resting in His divine plan – no matter what the outcome.
Thank you for your support and prayers!
Carie Anne
To put this news in context on January 31 when my water broke at 17 weeks, we were told that Baby Girl could not survive and were advised to initiate labor right then and terminate the pregnancy.
Over the weeks that followed, the experts twice again advised us to “abort the fetus.” We were originally told there was ZERO chance our daughter would develop properly or be born healthy.
With the help of our OB, we found a local doctor who had done research with pPROM patients. He told us that on very rare occasions spontaneous ruptures could seal over and so we began nearly 9 weeks of bed rest. He sees 3-4 pPROM patients weekly and in his 12 years practicing had only seen a spontaneous rupture seal over 3 times.
Yesterday, he told us he believes he has seen it 4 times now. Tests confirm there is no remaining evidence of rupture. Fluid levels are normal and the baby is developing “perfectly normal.” However, there is still no way to know whether she will have certain long term challenges, such as cerebral palsey until she is born.
Now, we embark on the next phase of this journey – trusting in what God has done. And so over the next three weeks, I will slowly get out of bed and return to moderate activity. Another three weeks and we will be past the critical 28 week mark. If all goes well between now and then, the doctors might be persuaded to release me for normal activity by the end of April.
The doctor yesterday explained that it is difficult for doctors to throw out the book and “trust” when there is a “weird” development like this. But, he cannot ignore that at this point I appear to have sealed over. So while the book says Baby Girl should be delivered at 34 weeks, he is in agreement that as long as nothing changes, I can carry her full term (40 weeks) – allowing her to fully develop in the womb and avoid an extended hospital stay when she is born.
To be honest, it is difficult for Brian and I to trust, as well. While bed rest hasn’t been easy, it seems easier than walking into the unknown with all the what ifs. The doctors don’t know what caused my water to break and can’t give us any guarantee it won’t happen again. In some ways, it would be emotionally easier to stay in bed and avoid taking any risks.
But from day one this has been a journey of faith for Brian and I, and today is no different. Why God chose to work in this way in our lives is beyond our comprehension. We believe that God has faithfully answered the prayers of hundreds of friends and strangers and has interceded on our behalf to heal our baby daughter when no doctor or medicine could. And so we will continue to trust in Him, walking obediently by faith day-by-day, casting out fear and resting in His divine plan – no matter what the outcome.
Thank you for your support and prayers!
Carie Anne
Monday, March 22, 2010
Day 51
Quick Update: Baby girl turned 24 weeks on Friday! Yeah! It is so amazing to feel her kick and squirm now everyday. For the first time in weeks, I feel full of energy… thanks to my first of two steroid shots this week – the second comes tomorrow. We’ll see how great they are when I am trying to sleep tonight - arg.
More...
Getting the shots was a pretty difficult decision. Although I appear to have sealed over (unexplainable miracle) and my amniotic fluid levels are in the normal range (another miracle), the lack of fluid for an extended period of time “probably” put the baby behind in lung development, so in a “typical” pPROM patient the steroids are given at 24 and between 28-30 weeks. But with any intervention there are risks.
There are four doctors who consult regularly on my case and guess what…they didn’t agree on the treatment, leaving Brian and I to weigh our options and then pray we make the right decision. A new friend remarked this is why they call it “practicing medicine.”
Brian’s mother continues to struggle with a serious infection and has been in the hospital for more than 40 days, unable to rid her body of a bacterial infection that is resistant to most antibiotics. As of this weekend, she is on the last two possible antibiotics – so we are praying that one of these works to fight the infection.
The support Brian and I have received and continue to receive through this time has been nothing short of AMAZING – from meals and books to phone calls and visits from friends. Then, of course, are all the new friends we have encountered. People who have walked a similar road before us and are willing to be a resource and listening ear for us now.
One a day I was feeling particularly low struggling with all the changes an uncertainty in our lives, when I received a call from one of these new friends reminding me that God taught us to pray for Daily Bread…not weekly, yearly or five-year plan bread…an difficult concept for a type A gal! She’d been there…she got it.
When I found myself struggling to plan for our baby girl, a new friend dropped me a note reminding me that God promises in Mark 11:24 "Whatever things you desire, when you pray, BELIEVE that you receive them and you SHALL have them." And so Brian and I have begun again to take new steps of faith and make plans for the nursery, as we continue to pray and believe that despite everything, Baby Girl will join us here at home.
I feel like God is teaching both Brian and I so much through this whole experience. I truly believe the lessons we are learning in humility (I’m pausing here for my friends to stop laughing) and dependence on God are so necessary in our journey to parenthood. Although immensely challenging at times, I feel grateful for this time God has provided for us to mature our faith, reevaluate our priorities and strengthen our relationship before Baby Girl arrives, so I choose to praise Him in the storm.
While I still always know the doctors prognosis, I rarely feel discouraged. Now that I feel her kicking and squirming, I CHOOSE to believe that God's healing hand will remain on her and that he will continue providing for all our needs as a family day-by-day.
We are so grateful to be surrounded by the love of our Father, family, friends, and strangers. Thank you all for your continued prayers.
More...
Getting the shots was a pretty difficult decision. Although I appear to have sealed over (unexplainable miracle) and my amniotic fluid levels are in the normal range (another miracle), the lack of fluid for an extended period of time “probably” put the baby behind in lung development, so in a “typical” pPROM patient the steroids are given at 24 and between 28-30 weeks. But with any intervention there are risks.
There are four doctors who consult regularly on my case and guess what…they didn’t agree on the treatment, leaving Brian and I to weigh our options and then pray we make the right decision. A new friend remarked this is why they call it “practicing medicine.”
Brian’s mother continues to struggle with a serious infection and has been in the hospital for more than 40 days, unable to rid her body of a bacterial infection that is resistant to most antibiotics. As of this weekend, she is on the last two possible antibiotics – so we are praying that one of these works to fight the infection.
The support Brian and I have received and continue to receive through this time has been nothing short of AMAZING – from meals and books to phone calls and visits from friends. Then, of course, are all the new friends we have encountered. People who have walked a similar road before us and are willing to be a resource and listening ear for us now.
One a day I was feeling particularly low struggling with all the changes an uncertainty in our lives, when I received a call from one of these new friends reminding me that God taught us to pray for Daily Bread…not weekly, yearly or five-year plan bread…an difficult concept for a type A gal! She’d been there…she got it.
When I found myself struggling to plan for our baby girl, a new friend dropped me a note reminding me that God promises in Mark 11:24 "Whatever things you desire, when you pray, BELIEVE that you receive them and you SHALL have them." And so Brian and I have begun again to take new steps of faith and make plans for the nursery, as we continue to pray and believe that despite everything, Baby Girl will join us here at home.
I feel like God is teaching both Brian and I so much through this whole experience. I truly believe the lessons we are learning in humility (I’m pausing here for my friends to stop laughing) and dependence on God are so necessary in our journey to parenthood. Although immensely challenging at times, I feel grateful for this time God has provided for us to mature our faith, reevaluate our priorities and strengthen our relationship before Baby Girl arrives, so I choose to praise Him in the storm.
While I still always know the doctors prognosis, I rarely feel discouraged. Now that I feel her kicking and squirming, I CHOOSE to believe that God's healing hand will remain on her and that he will continue providing for all our needs as a family day-by-day.
We are so grateful to be surrounded by the love of our Father, family, friends, and strangers. Thank you all for your continued prayers.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Day 46
Brian weighs in today....
As many of you have experienced, there are times in your life when you just don’t know what to feel. This is definitely one of those times for Carie Anne and me. We are obviously excited about the news that we received last week at the doctor’s office. This was definitely a feeling of excitement and relief.
Last night when Carie was going to bed, she mentioned to me that the baby hasn’t kicked in a few hours. This is probably something that we shouldn’t worry about but with everything that we have gone through we were obviously nervous. In every conversation with Carie after that, I have asked if she has felt anything. I even went to get a glass of orange juice before laying my head on the pillow because she always responds to that. In my last conversation with Carie, she had heard from Baby Wittenberg. She must have been tired and took off a couple of hours from exercise, just like her father lately.
My mom has been in the hospital since early February and I am at a point of frustration. She has been traveling the path between normal rooms of the hospital to a room in the critical care unit several times. She has gone through many infections, taken every type of antibiotic and has earned the nickname of mystery woman from her doctors. I have visited her a few days this week while wearing a mask and gown and it is painful for me to see my mom feeling this way.
Before starting American Idol last night, Carie asked me how I was feeling about the whole situation and I couldn’t even think of a word.
At my desk at work, I have a copy of last week’s ultrasound that is in view every time I lift my head from my laptop. After staring at it, I am proud to say that she has my nose. Which may be good or bad news depending on how you look at it.
Carie did go see her regular doctor yesterday. All is well. This doctor did suggest that we start a steroid treatment next week to help the lung development. Good thing that she doesn’t play Major League Baseball, yet.
As many of you have experienced, there are times in your life when you just don’t know what to feel. This is definitely one of those times for Carie Anne and me. We are obviously excited about the news that we received last week at the doctor’s office. This was definitely a feeling of excitement and relief.
Last night when Carie was going to bed, she mentioned to me that the baby hasn’t kicked in a few hours. This is probably something that we shouldn’t worry about but with everything that we have gone through we were obviously nervous. In every conversation with Carie after that, I have asked if she has felt anything. I even went to get a glass of orange juice before laying my head on the pillow because she always responds to that. In my last conversation with Carie, she had heard from Baby Wittenberg. She must have been tired and took off a couple of hours from exercise, just like her father lately.
My mom has been in the hospital since early February and I am at a point of frustration. She has been traveling the path between normal rooms of the hospital to a room in the critical care unit several times. She has gone through many infections, taken every type of antibiotic and has earned the nickname of mystery woman from her doctors. I have visited her a few days this week while wearing a mask and gown and it is painful for me to see my mom feeling this way.
Before starting American Idol last night, Carie asked me how I was feeling about the whole situation and I couldn’t even think of a word.
At my desk at work, I have a copy of last week’s ultrasound that is in view every time I lift my head from my laptop. After staring at it, I am proud to say that she has my nose. Which may be good or bad news depending on how you look at it.
Carie did go see her regular doctor yesterday. All is well. This doctor did suggest that we start a steroid treatment next week to help the lung development. Good thing that she doesn’t play Major League Baseball, yet.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Day 42
Dear friends,
Thanks so much for all the prayers and encouragement. There’s not much new to share in the way of developments.
After receiving the positive news on Tuesday, Brian and I were over the moon. We know there is still a long way to go and things could very well change, but right now we have a lot to be thankful for.
As the week wore on the reality of our situation once again set in. Today, I’ve been in bed for 6 weeks and the doctors are hoping I don’t go into active labor until after week 34, which is another 11 weeks away. And then we won’t have even started with baby girl.
17 weeks of bed rest! My favorite place in the world has always been my bed, but I never dreamed I’d be banished here for months on end. I can no longer go to the job I love or out on a date with my husband. I cannot cook a meal or take my dogs for a walk. My life has literally stopped, and yet everything goes on without me.
In my darkest moments, when I contemplate how my perfectly ordered life has slipped through my grasp, I feel as if I am slowly dying. All the daily activities that defined my existence are gone and I feel completely lost.
And then my Father gently reminds me that this too has a purpose as I read in Matthew these words, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.”
Right now, we have only experienced the first part of this promise. Our faith in God’s supreme sovereignty placed Brian and I in the midst of a situation where everything we know has been compromised – our careers, our finances, our home, our friendships, our social lives, our family relationships – just to name a few.
So just as we wait on the future of our Baby Girl, we also wait on God to reveal a new life for us again.
Thanks so much for all the prayers and encouragement. There’s not much new to share in the way of developments.
After receiving the positive news on Tuesday, Brian and I were over the moon. We know there is still a long way to go and things could very well change, but right now we have a lot to be thankful for.
As the week wore on the reality of our situation once again set in. Today, I’ve been in bed for 6 weeks and the doctors are hoping I don’t go into active labor until after week 34, which is another 11 weeks away. And then we won’t have even started with baby girl.
17 weeks of bed rest! My favorite place in the world has always been my bed, but I never dreamed I’d be banished here for months on end. I can no longer go to the job I love or out on a date with my husband. I cannot cook a meal or take my dogs for a walk. My life has literally stopped, and yet everything goes on without me.
In my darkest moments, when I contemplate how my perfectly ordered life has slipped through my grasp, I feel as if I am slowly dying. All the daily activities that defined my existence are gone and I feel completely lost.
And then my Father gently reminds me that this too has a purpose as I read in Matthew these words, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.”
Right now, we have only experienced the first part of this promise. Our faith in God’s supreme sovereignty placed Brian and I in the midst of a situation where everything we know has been compromised – our careers, our finances, our home, our friendships, our social lives, our family relationships – just to name a few.
So just as we wait on the future of our Baby Girl, we also wait on God to reveal a new life for us again.
Tuesday, March 09, 2010
Day 38
Quick Update: Amazing news from the perinatologist today as Baby Girl looks perfect and fluid levels are in the normal range! The plus is that I have been given a hospital reprieve for another three weeks as long as I don’t spring another leak – yippee!
If I do spring a leak, I’ll be admitted to Labor and Delivery emergently in order to take steps to prevent labor and infection, and remain in-patient until Baby Girl arrives.
The doctors continue to be baffled at what is going on. Baby girl’s growth is still on target…and the earliest measurement signs are positive for lung development. This means that I can continue to be treated locally and a local Level III NICU can most likely meet all our baby’s needs – what a relief!
Since I have zero sign of infection and have once again stopped leaking, I can stay at home on bed rest until something changes. At week 28, I will begin receiving steroids to boost the baby’s lung development. And at week 34 (and hopefully not before) we will meet her.
What can I even say…we are amazed, grateful, humbled and in awe of our Father who continues to sustain this little life in the face of insurmountable odds.
Thanks to each of you for your prayers, support, patience and encouragement. We still have a very long road ahead of us - but we are hopeful, encouraged and continue to have faith.
Carie Anne
If I do spring a leak, I’ll be admitted to Labor and Delivery emergently in order to take steps to prevent labor and infection, and remain in-patient until Baby Girl arrives.
The doctors continue to be baffled at what is going on. Baby girl’s growth is still on target…and the earliest measurement signs are positive for lung development. This means that I can continue to be treated locally and a local Level III NICU can most likely meet all our baby’s needs – what a relief!
Since I have zero sign of infection and have once again stopped leaking, I can stay at home on bed rest until something changes. At week 28, I will begin receiving steroids to boost the baby’s lung development. And at week 34 (and hopefully not before) we will meet her.
What can I even say…we are amazed, grateful, humbled and in awe of our Father who continues to sustain this little life in the face of insurmountable odds.
Thanks to each of you for your prayers, support, patience and encouragement. We still have a very long road ahead of us - but we are hopeful, encouraged and continue to have faith.
Carie Anne
Saturday, March 06, 2010
Day 35
Five weeks down and who knows how many to go. I haven’t written in a while because I don’t have many new facts to share and feelings aren’t my strong suit, but I will try.
As Brian mentioned yesterday, we are closing in on a new phase of this unique pregnancy. Because nobody expected Baby Wittenberg to make it this far, discussion didn’t begin until this week about hospitalization.
Prior to 23.5 weeks a baby is deemed unviable, therefore no medical measures are taken to assist the baby in after birth and thus the child dies. After 23.5 weeks, medical intervention can sometimes be effective. Minutes, if not seconds, count when dealing with a preemie, so the doctors are leaning toward having me admitted to the hospital at the 23.5 week mark.
So now, Brian and I have turned our attention to choosing a hospital. The primary consideration is the quality of the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU), but we will also have to transition prenatal and obstetric care. This is a very difficult process.
There are no real rankings and it is almost impossible to compare NICUs. The major university hospitals have much more experience in neonatal care. On the other hand, I can’t imagine trying to resume life and making the trek down to Northwestern daily while baby is in the NICU, or being this far away should something go wrong.
If any of you have thoughts or expertise with NICUs, we can use all the help we can get.
Last week, I had a sobering conversation with the head of neonatology at Children’s Memorial. With the utmost compassion, she reminded me that even with the best doctors and best technology available, Baby is not likely to survive.
The Internet provides an amazing ability to connect people. I have joined an very “exclusive” list-serve for a small group of women who experience an extended pPROM pregnancy. This past week, one women posted the following about her feelings after three weeks of hospital rest:
“If feel like someone told me ‘There is a very good chance your baby will die. Now sit alone in this room for weeks on end waiting to found out.’ I just feel lost and alone and scared out of my mind.”
Welcome to my world.
As Brian mentioned yesterday, we are closing in on a new phase of this unique pregnancy. Because nobody expected Baby Wittenberg to make it this far, discussion didn’t begin until this week about hospitalization.
Prior to 23.5 weeks a baby is deemed unviable, therefore no medical measures are taken to assist the baby in after birth and thus the child dies. After 23.5 weeks, medical intervention can sometimes be effective. Minutes, if not seconds, count when dealing with a preemie, so the doctors are leaning toward having me admitted to the hospital at the 23.5 week mark.
So now, Brian and I have turned our attention to choosing a hospital. The primary consideration is the quality of the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU), but we will also have to transition prenatal and obstetric care. This is a very difficult process.
There are no real rankings and it is almost impossible to compare NICUs. The major university hospitals have much more experience in neonatal care. On the other hand, I can’t imagine trying to resume life and making the trek down to Northwestern daily while baby is in the NICU, or being this far away should something go wrong.
If any of you have thoughts or expertise with NICUs, we can use all the help we can get.
Last week, I had a sobering conversation with the head of neonatology at Children’s Memorial. With the utmost compassion, she reminded me that even with the best doctors and best technology available, Baby is not likely to survive.
The Internet provides an amazing ability to connect people. I have joined an very “exclusive” list-serve for a small group of women who experience an extended pPROM pregnancy. This past week, one women posted the following about her feelings after three weeks of hospital rest:
“If feel like someone told me ‘There is a very good chance your baby will die. Now sit alone in this room for weeks on end waiting to found out.’ I just feel lost and alone and scared out of my mind.”
Welcome to my world.
Friday, March 05, 2010
Day 34
Quick Update...Big decisions to make. Brian weighs in today.
Carie is now in her 22nd week of pregnancy. This is one step closer to viability. We are constantly amazed about the favor that God has shown upon us in this situation. It is so difficult but we have not felt His presence through it all.
Carie was able to see her regular doctor yesterday. The baby is doing great. Once again, it got some quick pictures. This visit did confirm that the amount of fluid is down again, although a speculum exam concluded that there is no ferning or pooling. I am not even sure what this means but it left me confused.
We do have an appointment with the high risk doctor on Tuesday. Due to the fact that Carie is leaking and the fluid is down, we are pretty sure that Carie will have to go into hospital for 24 hour monitoring real soon. So Carie is currently in the process of interviewing NeoNatal departments of hospitals in the Chicagoland area. We want to make that the baby gets the best care possible once it is born. If this means that we have to go downtown for this care, we will. As the baby continues to grow and the fluid remains low, it will put additional pressure on the cervix and eventually cause Carie to go into labor. (Do I sound like I know what I am talking about? It is all knowledge passed on to me by Carie)
We have some big decisions that will have to be made soon.
Brian
Carie is now in her 22nd week of pregnancy. This is one step closer to viability. We are constantly amazed about the favor that God has shown upon us in this situation. It is so difficult but we have not felt His presence through it all.
Carie was able to see her regular doctor yesterday. The baby is doing great. Once again, it got some quick pictures. This visit did confirm that the amount of fluid is down again, although a speculum exam concluded that there is no ferning or pooling. I am not even sure what this means but it left me confused.
We do have an appointment with the high risk doctor on Tuesday. Due to the fact that Carie is leaking and the fluid is down, we are pretty sure that Carie will have to go into hospital for 24 hour monitoring real soon. So Carie is currently in the process of interviewing NeoNatal departments of hospitals in the Chicagoland area. We want to make that the baby gets the best care possible once it is born. If this means that we have to go downtown for this care, we will. As the baby continues to grow and the fluid remains low, it will put additional pressure on the cervix and eventually cause Carie to go into labor. (Do I sound like I know what I am talking about? It is all knowledge passed on to me by Carie)
We have some big decisions that will have to be made soon.
Brian
Tuesday, March 02, 2010
Day 31
Quick Update: Not much new to share…mostly a clarification of our current status.
Mom and dad are back in town –yeah! With daily help from them, everything is so much easier – well as easy as can be given the circumstances.
I am using this update to answer many of the questions that have been posed in recent days…
What is your due date? Originally, the doctors settled on July 9 as the estimated birth date, but given the pPROM complication, we will be extremely lucky to get to 30 weeks, let alone 40.
What is pPROM? Preterm Premature Rupture of Membranes. In my case, the bag that holds the amniotic fluid which protects the baby and allows growth burst at 17 weeks 2 days gestation. A woman’s “water breaks” generally signals the beginning of labor and delivery.
Why did this happen? It was probably caused by an infection; however, doctors cannot answer this question definitively.
What is the difference between “sealing over” or “continuing to leak”? Medical science tells us that Baby Wittenberg needs amniotic fluid to develop properly; without it our baby will likely be born with severe abnormalities of the lungs, brain and/or limbs and survival would be unlikely. As long as I continue to leak the amount of fluid available to the baby is limited and thus chance for survival decreases.
Also, leaking indicates the amniotic bag is still torn/open. These means there continues to be an open pathway for infection between the outsi de world and my womb and child. An infection would put my life as well as our child’s in serious danger.
Bottom line is that sealing over is a game changer and is extremely rare. It would substantially lower the risks to the baby and to me as we move forward.
Can the doctors tell if the baby will be born ok? Medical science can tell us a lot, but there is no way to definitively know the impact of pPROM on the lungs or brain until birth. Between 17 and 19 weeks, when our child was without much fluid is when the lungs begin to form. The baby could grow perfectly in every other way, but be born without lungs to breathe. At a later date closer to viability, the doctors may choose to give me steroids to strengthen baby Wittenberg’s lungs in order to survive an premature birth. This is only effective if the lungs have actually formed.
What are doctors doing now? Truthfully, not much. Until I reach about 24 weeks, which is the earliest the doctors say the baby can survive outside the womb, they take a “wait-and-see” approach.
What happens at 24 weeks? Again, we are in a holding pattern. It is likely that at some point after that date they will put me in the hospital in order to monitor the baby and I 24/7.
Are you feeling OK? By and large yes. My biggest challenge is lying at no more than a 45 degree angle most of the day…Needless to say, after about 3 days my back was aching and at this point my whole body feels stiff.
We go back to the doctor on Thursday for my weekly blood work.
Thanks for the concern and prayers.
Carie Anne
Mom and dad are back in town –yeah! With daily help from them, everything is so much easier – well as easy as can be given the circumstances.
I am using this update to answer many of the questions that have been posed in recent days…
What is your due date? Originally, the doctors settled on July 9 as the estimated birth date, but given the pPROM complication, we will be extremely lucky to get to 30 weeks, let alone 40.
What is pPROM? Preterm Premature Rupture of Membranes. In my case, the bag that holds the amniotic fluid which protects the baby and allows growth burst at 17 weeks 2 days gestation. A woman’s “water breaks” generally signals the beginning of labor and delivery.
Why did this happen? It was probably caused by an infection; however, doctors cannot answer this question definitively.
What is the difference between “sealing over” or “continuing to leak”? Medical science tells us that Baby Wittenberg needs amniotic fluid to develop properly; without it our baby will likely be born with severe abnormalities of the lungs, brain and/or limbs and survival would be unlikely. As long as I continue to leak the amount of fluid available to the baby is limited and thus chance for survival decreases.
Also, leaking indicates the amniotic bag is still torn/open. These means there continues to be an open pathway for infection between the outsi de world and my womb and child. An infection would put my life as well as our child’s in serious danger.
Bottom line is that sealing over is a game changer and is extremely rare. It would substantially lower the risks to the baby and to me as we move forward.
Can the doctors tell if the baby will be born ok? Medical science can tell us a lot, but there is no way to definitively know the impact of pPROM on the lungs or brain until birth. Between 17 and 19 weeks, when our child was without much fluid is when the lungs begin to form. The baby could grow perfectly in every other way, but be born without lungs to breathe. At a later date closer to viability, the doctors may choose to give me steroids to strengthen baby Wittenberg’s lungs in order to survive an premature birth. This is only effective if the lungs have actually formed.
What are doctors doing now? Truthfully, not much. Until I reach about 24 weeks, which is the earliest the doctors say the baby can survive outside the womb, they take a “wait-and-see” approach.
What happens at 24 weeks? Again, we are in a holding pattern. It is likely that at some point after that date they will put me in the hospital in order to monitor the baby and I 24/7.
Are you feeling OK? By and large yes. My biggest challenge is lying at no more than a 45 degree angle most of the day…Needless to say, after about 3 days my back was aching and at this point my whole body feels stiff.
We go back to the doctor on Thursday for my weekly blood work.
Thanks for the concern and prayers.
Carie Anne
Monday, March 01, 2010
Day 30
Quick Update from Brian...as baby finds new ways to make her presence known.
Over the last few days, Carie has been experiencing something different in her stomach. She describes it as if her stomach is turning over and over. She has begun to feel the baby more consistently. This is exciting news. I wouldn’t call the baby a soccer player yet but he/she is learning.
Carie has continued to leak over the last few days. The only solution for this is complete bed rest. On Friday, I tried to think of some ideas of how to make this easier for her. So I bought a puzzle. I think I am more excited about doing the puzzle than her. Carie is a real trooper. I have never heard her complain about being bored or going stir crazy.
I am sure that my huge sigh of relief was heard around the neighborhood when Carie’s parents arrived from out of town yesterday. They have been such a tremendous help in this situation. Words can’t even describe how thankful I am for them.
Brian
Over the last few days, Carie has been experiencing something different in her stomach. She describes it as if her stomach is turning over and over. She has begun to feel the baby more consistently. This is exciting news. I wouldn’t call the baby a soccer player yet but he/she is learning.
Carie has continued to leak over the last few days. The only solution for this is complete bed rest. On Friday, I tried to think of some ideas of how to make this easier for her. So I bought a puzzle. I think I am more excited about doing the puzzle than her. Carie is a real trooper. I have never heard her complain about being bored or going stir crazy.
I am sure that my huge sigh of relief was heard around the neighborhood when Carie’s parents arrived from out of town yesterday. They have been such a tremendous help in this situation. Words can’t even describe how thankful I am for them.
Brian
Friday, February 26, 2010
Day 27 - Week 21
Quick Update: One step forward – two steps back…as I am back to strict bed rest thanks to more leaking. Tomorrow will be four full weeks in bed and baby reaches 21 weeks.
I am tired.
After a good week visiting with friends, positive news from the doctor, and a little more freedom, yesterday I felt wetness again. As long as there is wetness, there is a high level of certainty that the amniotic bag hasn’t sealed over and the risk of infection to me and the baby remains high. The long-term developmental risks to the baby increase as well. So back to strict bed rest I go.
I’m doing my best to choose happy, but my soul is weary.
I am tired.
After a good week visiting with friends, positive news from the doctor, and a little more freedom, yesterday I felt wetness again. As long as there is wetness, there is a high level of certainty that the amniotic bag hasn’t sealed over and the risk of infection to me and the baby remains high. The long-term developmental risks to the baby increase as well. So back to strict bed rest I go.
I’m doing my best to choose happy, but my soul is weary.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Day 25
Quick Update…Both Brian and I weigh in today and some more “good news” from the doctor.
BY BRIAN
Words can barely describe some of the emotions that Carie Anne and I are going through. The news that we received on day 18 of this journey was outstanding. But we also know that we are still in a high risk situation. Carie and I are holding on to hope as strong as we can. With every passing day, we know that God has granted us another day to be with baby Wittenberg and we are so lucky. I can’t wait to that day when I can shower this baby with kisses, no matter when I get to see him or her.
Yesterday, Carie went to go see her regular doctor. We are still waiting to see the results of her blood tests. If her white blood cell count is the normal range, it is continual sign that things are going in the right direction.
I have had the privilege of taking extra care of Carie this week. I have taken some extra time off of work to set her up for her day and then going to work. Even though I still can’t figure out how to use our toaster oven without burning at least one piece of toast, I can make a mean batch of scrambled eggs. I am trying to learn how to conquer the art of making a fried egg and pancakes. When I leave for work, we have an extra set of angels coming to spend time with my wife. I am truly thankful for those people. Thank you Brandi, Kim, Kerri, Nancy and Jamie.
As Carie noted in the blog earlier, my mom has been in the hospital for over 2 weeks. Because of the risk of infection to Carie and the baby, I haven’t been able to go visit her. The good news is that my mom is expected to be moved to a rehabilitation unit real soon and this will allow me to visit her.
Throughout this week, I am in constant amazement of the strength that Carie is showing through this situation. First of all, never once has she complained about my burnt toast. She has shown tremendous faith and courage.
BY CARIE ANNE
Forgive me if I ramble a bit today…I seem to have a harder and harder time putting together a coherent thought.
After two weeks without any leaking, my OB and perinatalogist are on board to transition me from strict bed rest to “home rest” if my blood work comes back OK this week. Basically, this means that I can be up on my feet for short periods during the day, but avoid stairs. And I can transition from a 45 degree laying position to a 90 degree sitting position most of the day. No cooking, cleaning, lifting, squatting, etc., but I can get up off the couch to grab my own piece of fruit or refill my drink.
While definitely appealing, I must admit I’m not as enthusiastic as I expected. After all, the doctors still cannot tell me what is going to happen next, because they cannot explain why I seem to have sealed over. The last thing I want is to begin to semi resume “normal” activities and then…oops…sorry…my water breaks again – and it is still too early for baby to survive.
OK, maybe I’m paranoid, but I cannot imagine starting again from square one.
Yesterday, I read through dozens of prayers sent to us from people around the world. The outpouring of support and love from both friends and strangers alike has been amazing and humbling. I feel so undeserving. Despite encouragement from friends who have lauded our faith, I feel right now as I am broken as ever – struggling between faith and unbelief – grateful that God’s grace is not earned but rather a gift.
I rely on the prayers of others, because I still cannot manage to put words to my feelings - grief, hope, faith, etc. Broken before Him, I have hoped He has heard the deep cries of my heart. And so, I have struggled feeling guilty because while I can express the facts – I cannot manage a coherent spoken prayer to my God who has done so much to sustain our family.
And then, a friend sent me these words of encouragement:
“We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. - Romans 8:26”
Thank each of you who have been used by our Father to provide wisdom, comfort and encouragement to us daily.
BY BRIAN
Words can barely describe some of the emotions that Carie Anne and I are going through. The news that we received on day 18 of this journey was outstanding. But we also know that we are still in a high risk situation. Carie and I are holding on to hope as strong as we can. With every passing day, we know that God has granted us another day to be with baby Wittenberg and we are so lucky. I can’t wait to that day when I can shower this baby with kisses, no matter when I get to see him or her.
Yesterday, Carie went to go see her regular doctor. We are still waiting to see the results of her blood tests. If her white blood cell count is the normal range, it is continual sign that things are going in the right direction.
I have had the privilege of taking extra care of Carie this week. I have taken some extra time off of work to set her up for her day and then going to work. Even though I still can’t figure out how to use our toaster oven without burning at least one piece of toast, I can make a mean batch of scrambled eggs. I am trying to learn how to conquer the art of making a fried egg and pancakes. When I leave for work, we have an extra set of angels coming to spend time with my wife. I am truly thankful for those people. Thank you Brandi, Kim, Kerri, Nancy and Jamie.
As Carie noted in the blog earlier, my mom has been in the hospital for over 2 weeks. Because of the risk of infection to Carie and the baby, I haven’t been able to go visit her. The good news is that my mom is expected to be moved to a rehabilitation unit real soon and this will allow me to visit her.
Throughout this week, I am in constant amazement of the strength that Carie is showing through this situation. First of all, never once has she complained about my burnt toast. She has shown tremendous faith and courage.
BY CARIE ANNE
Forgive me if I ramble a bit today…I seem to have a harder and harder time putting together a coherent thought.
After two weeks without any leaking, my OB and perinatalogist are on board to transition me from strict bed rest to “home rest” if my blood work comes back OK this week. Basically, this means that I can be up on my feet for short periods during the day, but avoid stairs. And I can transition from a 45 degree laying position to a 90 degree sitting position most of the day. No cooking, cleaning, lifting, squatting, etc., but I can get up off the couch to grab my own piece of fruit or refill my drink.
While definitely appealing, I must admit I’m not as enthusiastic as I expected. After all, the doctors still cannot tell me what is going to happen next, because they cannot explain why I seem to have sealed over. The last thing I want is to begin to semi resume “normal” activities and then…oops…sorry…my water breaks again – and it is still too early for baby to survive.
OK, maybe I’m paranoid, but I cannot imagine starting again from square one.
Yesterday, I read through dozens of prayers sent to us from people around the world. The outpouring of support and love from both friends and strangers alike has been amazing and humbling. I feel so undeserving. Despite encouragement from friends who have lauded our faith, I feel right now as I am broken as ever – struggling between faith and unbelief – grateful that God’s grace is not earned but rather a gift.
I rely on the prayers of others, because I still cannot manage to put words to my feelings - grief, hope, faith, etc. Broken before Him, I have hoped He has heard the deep cries of my heart. And so, I have struggled feeling guilty because while I can express the facts – I cannot manage a coherent spoken prayer to my God who has done so much to sustain our family.
And then, a friend sent me these words of encouragement:
“We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. - Romans 8:26”
Thank each of you who have been used by our Father to provide wisdom, comfort and encouragement to us daily.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Day 23
I’m headed back to the doctor tomorrow to do a quick baby check and another blood draw.
We are muddling through this week with the support of friends, as my regular sitters have already taken vacation after only three weeks of work :) But seriously…we hope mom and dad are enjoying Aruba.
For those of you who don’t already know, we have been dealing with another “family crisis” in the midst of all this. Brian’s mom has been in and out of the hospital for the better part of the last two weeks with what they finally isolated as a raging urinary tract infection. Complicating matters, his mother suffers from congestive heart failure, diabetes and a host of allergies to common antibiotics, so attempting to fix one problem has caused several others.
There have been many occasions where his family has reported that his mom might not make it, however, it seems now they finally have things under control and she might be headed to rehab by the end of this week!
This has been extremely difficult on Brian. As most of you know, one of the greatest risks to myself and the baby is infection. So while he has spoken with his mom and dad multiple times each day, Brian couldn’t take the risk of visiting her until the infection was isolated and under control. Nor can any of his family visit here.
I am hoping that at my appt. tomorrow my doctor will give Brian the all clear to visit his mom soon.
Thanks everyone for your continued calls, prayers and support!
Carie Anne
We are muddling through this week with the support of friends, as my regular sitters have already taken vacation after only three weeks of work :) But seriously…we hope mom and dad are enjoying Aruba.
For those of you who don’t already know, we have been dealing with another “family crisis” in the midst of all this. Brian’s mom has been in and out of the hospital for the better part of the last two weeks with what they finally isolated as a raging urinary tract infection. Complicating matters, his mother suffers from congestive heart failure, diabetes and a host of allergies to common antibiotics, so attempting to fix one problem has caused several others.
There have been many occasions where his family has reported that his mom might not make it, however, it seems now they finally have things under control and she might be headed to rehab by the end of this week!
This has been extremely difficult on Brian. As most of you know, one of the greatest risks to myself and the baby is infection. So while he has spoken with his mom and dad multiple times each day, Brian couldn’t take the risk of visiting her until the infection was isolated and under control. Nor can any of his family visit here.
I am hoping that at my appt. tomorrow my doctor will give Brian the all clear to visit his mom soon.
Thanks everyone for your continued calls, prayers and support!
Carie Anne
Friday, February 19, 2010
Day 20 - Week 20
Quick Update: Temp continues to be low and we are praying that infection stays at bay. Baby is 20 weeks old today marking another milestone date.
Baby Wittenberg is hit another milestone today – s/he is 20 weeks old today. In a normal pregnancy, we’d be half way there! According to the doctor, baby weighs 11 oz and is 10 inches long already. Studies indicate that baby can already hear us - amazing.
Twenty weeks is a medical milestone of sorts as well. For reasons nobody can quite explain prior to 20 weeks, medical science would classify losing baby Wittenberg as a miscarriage. After 20 weeks, it is no longer classified as a miscarriage. Instead a baby born this early would be classified as stillborn.
In an early miscarriage prior to 16.5 weeks, the baby is so small, most women do not need to go through the birthing process. In most cases after that point, a child who passes away before birth must be born.
I cannot imagine having to labor and birth our baby while grieving - knowing that baby will never draw even a single breath. At one point that was our most likely scenario. Now, we have hope that our child may survive this ordeal.
Thanks for reading and for your continued prayers.
Baby Wittenberg is hit another milestone today – s/he is 20 weeks old today. In a normal pregnancy, we’d be half way there! According to the doctor, baby weighs 11 oz and is 10 inches long already. Studies indicate that baby can already hear us - amazing.
Twenty weeks is a medical milestone of sorts as well. For reasons nobody can quite explain prior to 20 weeks, medical science would classify losing baby Wittenberg as a miscarriage. After 20 weeks, it is no longer classified as a miscarriage. Instead a baby born this early would be classified as stillborn.
In an early miscarriage prior to 16.5 weeks, the baby is so small, most women do not need to go through the birthing process. In most cases after that point, a child who passes away before birth must be born.
I cannot imagine having to labor and birth our baby while grieving - knowing that baby will never draw even a single breath. At one point that was our most likely scenario. Now, we have hope that our child may survive this ordeal.
Thanks for reading and for your continued prayers.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Day 19
Quick Update: The rollercoaster continues as I received my blood work back yesterday indicating that my white blood count is rising – which could mean an infection. All we can do is wait and pray.
....
As we drove away from the perinatologists office on Tuesday, Brian exclaimed, “I feel as if I am beginning to wake up from a nightmare.”
Always a realist, I reminded him and myself we still have a long way to go. And one day later, we were reminded just how day-by-day this continues to be.
My regular OB phoned on Wednesday to discuss the results of the perinatologist stressing that all of this was extremely good news. Taking a deep breath, she went on to say “Unfortunately, there is a slight set back as well. Your blood work this week shows your white blood count up, which can be an early sign of infection.”
So we continue up and down, up and down.
There is nothing much to do except wait. Wait to see if my temp rises. Wait to see if there is an infection and where it is. Wait to find out if it will affect my health. Wait to find out if we will get to raise Baby Wittenberg.
….
Shortly after I found out I was pregnant, I was sharing with a good friend how ill prepared I felt to be a parent. Already a worry wart, I exclaimed I was looking forward to feeling the baby begin to move, so I would stop stressing out about whether or not the baby was doing OK in there. She laughed out loud, reminding me I’d probably want to eat those words at about 34 weeks when sleep becomes nearly impossible and baby spends a good amount of time poking and prodding around inside making mom very uncomfortable.
She went on, however, to tell me that being a parent is a contest test of faith. Being a parent, she said, is “walking around with your heart outside of your body.”
I didn’t understand those words until Tuesday. They flooded back to me when Brian said, “I feel as if I am beginning to wake up from a nightmare.”
I responded, “I don’t think I’ll be able to really breathe again until we are holding our baby and even then…”
Not completing my sentence, my thoughts trailed off. No sooner had than the words left my lips, then I realized that somehow throughout this whole process I think I’ve become a parent.
....
As we drove away from the perinatologists office on Tuesday, Brian exclaimed, “I feel as if I am beginning to wake up from a nightmare.”
Always a realist, I reminded him and myself we still have a long way to go. And one day later, we were reminded just how day-by-day this continues to be.
My regular OB phoned on Wednesday to discuss the results of the perinatologist stressing that all of this was extremely good news. Taking a deep breath, she went on to say “Unfortunately, there is a slight set back as well. Your blood work this week shows your white blood count up, which can be an early sign of infection.”
So we continue up and down, up and down.
There is nothing much to do except wait. Wait to see if my temp rises. Wait to see if there is an infection and where it is. Wait to find out if it will affect my health. Wait to find out if we will get to raise Baby Wittenberg.
….
Shortly after I found out I was pregnant, I was sharing with a good friend how ill prepared I felt to be a parent. Already a worry wart, I exclaimed I was looking forward to feeling the baby begin to move, so I would stop stressing out about whether or not the baby was doing OK in there. She laughed out loud, reminding me I’d probably want to eat those words at about 34 weeks when sleep becomes nearly impossible and baby spends a good amount of time poking and prodding around inside making mom very uncomfortable.
She went on, however, to tell me that being a parent is a contest test of faith. Being a parent, she said, is “walking around with your heart outside of your body.”
I didn’t understand those words until Tuesday. They flooded back to me when Brian said, “I feel as if I am beginning to wake up from a nightmare.”
I responded, “I don’t think I’ll be able to really breathe again until we are holding our baby and even then…”
Not completing my sentence, my thoughts trailed off. No sooner had than the words left my lips, then I realized that somehow throughout this whole process I think I’ve become a parent.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Day 18
Quick Update: Saw a new perinatologist yesterday with some surprisingly positive results. Fluid levels are up over 8 and have hit the “normal-low” range. The baby’s growth is on target.
Here is a more detailed account of yesterday’s events.
The water from the shower muffled the sobs that erupted as I once again prepared to see another doctor. It had been more than two weeks since we’d be advised to terminate the pregnancy, and while there had been glimmers of hope, overall the prognosis was bleak.
Tuesday morning I methodically reviewed dozens of medical studies I’d collected in the past two weeks without emotion as I prepared questions for the new perinatologist. As the water from the shower release from above with it came all the emotions I’d been bottling up – not one pPROM baby prior to a 19 week rupture had survived.
By the time my father came up to let me know it was time to leave, I had long dried my tears and was now dressed and ready to go. One look at me and his voice grew quiet as he asked, “What’s wrong.”
“I don’t know if I can do this again…it just seems like we are waiting for the baby to die.” I said as my eyes welled up with tears once again.
With a gentle defiance, Dad reminded me that most of the time the “right thing” isn’t easy, but for right now, Baby Wittenberg had a heartbeat and was surviving the ordeal, the rest is in God’s hands.
…..
The nurse had just finished my basic vitals and I was recounting “our story” once again when Brian arrived. Soon after the ultrasound technician joined us. Over the next 45 minutes, we chatted as she went to work snapping pictures and taking measurements of each part of our baby’s anatomy. She pointed out each part – the spine, brain, head, eyes, nose, lips, hands, abdomen, kidneys, bladder, legs, feet, heart…etc.
She giggled out loud when she jiggled my belly and the baby began to squirm. “I need to get a good shot of the heart and right now its shadowed by the baby’s spine,” she explained. As she began to laugh, I was reminded of the shock and joy I felt when Brian and I saw our first ultrasound picture in December.
This was different from every other ultrasound since the incident. Normally, they simply focus on the amniotic fluid; this tech seemed unconcerned about the fluid level. About half way through the exam, Brian couldn’t wait anymore and asked the question we both really wanted to know, “How many centimeters of fluid does the baby have.”
Much to our surprise, she told us that their practice normally don’t measure fluid prior to 24 weeks, because the baby is so small it can be a very inexact science and the doctor would explain more. She must have seen the instant look of despair on our faces. After all, waiting for “the doctor to explain” we’ve come to discover means waiting on someone who gets paid much more to deliver the bad news the tech, nurse, etc. discovered during the initial exam.
“No, really we don’t generally measure this early,” she quickly added, “at this point looking at four quadrants at different angles it is too easy to count the same fluid twice. But, if I take a picture like this, you can see there is a large 3.5 c.m. pocket of fluid here at the top and another one the same size here at the bottom.” Sensing our shock she added, “Normally, we’d see a little more at this point and you really need to ask the doctor, but from what I’m seeing you look to be on the low end of normal.”
……
After introducing himself and once again asking me to recount the details of the last 3 weeks, the doctor sat down next to me, picked up the ultrasound wand and began his own examination of our little one.
"After looking through your chart and given your story, I thought I’d be coming in to give you disappointing news today, but you seem to be one of the very rare exceptions.”
He went on to explain that given the steady increase in the fluid level to date, it seems I could be one of those very rare cases where the amniotic bags seals over. The best part - the baby now has enough fluid to develop properly.
We aren’t out of the woods yet. An infection could still set in, which would jeopardize my health as well as Baby Wittenberg. However, with each day that goes by without leaking, my body once again begins to build up a barrier and the chance of infection becomes less likely.
…..
As we ended the doctor said, “Yours is one of those cases medical science just can’t explain.”
Maybe they can’t be I can.
Thanks everyone for their consistent prayers. These past three weeks, we tried very diligently to continue to honor and praise God through the storm. Today, we are thankful that He has chosen to calm the waters.
Here is a more detailed account of yesterday’s events.
The water from the shower muffled the sobs that erupted as I once again prepared to see another doctor. It had been more than two weeks since we’d be advised to terminate the pregnancy, and while there had been glimmers of hope, overall the prognosis was bleak.
Tuesday morning I methodically reviewed dozens of medical studies I’d collected in the past two weeks without emotion as I prepared questions for the new perinatologist. As the water from the shower release from above with it came all the emotions I’d been bottling up – not one pPROM baby prior to a 19 week rupture had survived.
By the time my father came up to let me know it was time to leave, I had long dried my tears and was now dressed and ready to go. One look at me and his voice grew quiet as he asked, “What’s wrong.”
“I don’t know if I can do this again…it just seems like we are waiting for the baby to die.” I said as my eyes welled up with tears once again.
With a gentle defiance, Dad reminded me that most of the time the “right thing” isn’t easy, but for right now, Baby Wittenberg had a heartbeat and was surviving the ordeal, the rest is in God’s hands.
…..
The nurse had just finished my basic vitals and I was recounting “our story” once again when Brian arrived. Soon after the ultrasound technician joined us. Over the next 45 minutes, we chatted as she went to work snapping pictures and taking measurements of each part of our baby’s anatomy. She pointed out each part – the spine, brain, head, eyes, nose, lips, hands, abdomen, kidneys, bladder, legs, feet, heart…etc.
She giggled out loud when she jiggled my belly and the baby began to squirm. “I need to get a good shot of the heart and right now its shadowed by the baby’s spine,” she explained. As she began to laugh, I was reminded of the shock and joy I felt when Brian and I saw our first ultrasound picture in December.
This was different from every other ultrasound since the incident. Normally, they simply focus on the amniotic fluid; this tech seemed unconcerned about the fluid level. About half way through the exam, Brian couldn’t wait anymore and asked the question we both really wanted to know, “How many centimeters of fluid does the baby have.”
Much to our surprise, she told us that their practice normally don’t measure fluid prior to 24 weeks, because the baby is so small it can be a very inexact science and the doctor would explain more. She must have seen the instant look of despair on our faces. After all, waiting for “the doctor to explain” we’ve come to discover means waiting on someone who gets paid much more to deliver the bad news the tech, nurse, etc. discovered during the initial exam.
“No, really we don’t generally measure this early,” she quickly added, “at this point looking at four quadrants at different angles it is too easy to count the same fluid twice. But, if I take a picture like this, you can see there is a large 3.5 c.m. pocket of fluid here at the top and another one the same size here at the bottom.” Sensing our shock she added, “Normally, we’d see a little more at this point and you really need to ask the doctor, but from what I’m seeing you look to be on the low end of normal.”
……
After introducing himself and once again asking me to recount the details of the last 3 weeks, the doctor sat down next to me, picked up the ultrasound wand and began his own examination of our little one.
"After looking through your chart and given your story, I thought I’d be coming in to give you disappointing news today, but you seem to be one of the very rare exceptions.”
He went on to explain that given the steady increase in the fluid level to date, it seems I could be one of those very rare cases where the amniotic bags seals over. The best part - the baby now has enough fluid to develop properly.
We aren’t out of the woods yet. An infection could still set in, which would jeopardize my health as well as Baby Wittenberg. However, with each day that goes by without leaking, my body once again begins to build up a barrier and the chance of infection becomes less likely.
…..
As we ended the doctor said, “Yours is one of those cases medical science just can’t explain.”
Maybe they can’t be I can.
Thanks everyone for their consistent prayers. These past three weeks, we tried very diligently to continue to honor and praise God through the storm. Today, we are thankful that He has chosen to calm the waters.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Day 16
When people ask me “how is everything going”, my standard answer is that everything is status quo. This is a good thing. I often have to remind myself that it is a good thing.
Carie has been amazing during this entire situation. She is doing everything she can to make the best out of a difficult situation. I am really proud of her. Always following the doctor’s orders, researching anything that she could do, and being a rock of faith.
My faith is strong right now but that doesn’t mean that I am not fearful. With every pain that Carie experiences, I am nervous that it could be the sign of premature labor coming. Every time she shifts her body, I am nervous that she will be loosing additional fluid.
With every day that passes, we know that we are one step further to making it toward viability. It is hopeful to see that the amniotic fluid has increased since everything happened.
I am so very thankful for the love and support of our friends and family. We couldn’t do it without them.
Brian
Carie has been amazing during this entire situation. She is doing everything she can to make the best out of a difficult situation. I am really proud of her. Always following the doctor’s orders, researching anything that she could do, and being a rock of faith.
My faith is strong right now but that doesn’t mean that I am not fearful. With every pain that Carie experiences, I am nervous that it could be the sign of premature labor coming. Every time she shifts her body, I am nervous that she will be loosing additional fluid.
With every day that passes, we know that we are one step further to making it toward viability. It is hopeful to see that the amniotic fluid has increased since everything happened.
I am so very thankful for the love and support of our friends and family. We couldn’t do it without them.
Brian
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Day 15
Quick update…Physical status remains the same – not so much for my mental status as I’m beginning to go nuts in bed. We are in need of lunch buddies to spend a few hours with me in the afternoon Monday, February 22 – Saturday, February 27…my folks are going out of town and Brian will be at work. Let me know if you would be available to help out.
It has been a few days since I’ve written an update…because at this point nothing much has changed.
Today, Brian is off to church and I am alone with my thoughts. It has been two weeks since that fateful day when I woke up in puddle. After confirming with the doctor what I already suspected, we rushed to labor and delivery, where we were told that we could terminate the pregnancy or wait a few days for my body to go into labor naturally. Nobody can tell us why nothing much has changed, other than sometimes this happens.
I am continually learning to accept that there are no certainties and very few answers, which is why day by day, I feel more confident in our decision to leave the situation in God’s hands.
We head back to our regular OB tomorrow for a basic check-up and hope to get into see another specialist for a second opinion this week.
Many of you have asked how long I will be on bed rest and there is no certainty here either, expect that I will be here until the baby comes or there becomes a risk to my health or the baby’s health. The doctors normally try to get women on bed rest to go as far to term as possible - 40 weeks. But given this complication, it is much more likely, they will advise for baby to be born around 30 weeks, if we make it that long. For those of you counting that is 12.5 weeks of bed rest.
If we make it to 23.5 weeks, it is likely I will be put in the hospital. At our last appointment, our OB informed us that the hospital one mile away, may not be the best place to deliver, so closer to that time, we will begin to evaluate, which hospital in the area has the best statistics for pulmonary hypoplasia, which is a likely outcome. This means the baby and I could be in a hospital very far from home, away from the daily support of friends and family which is another scary thought.
There are lots of unknowns and scary days ahead, but for now we are feeling blessed and fairly content. The support of everyone has been amazing! Thanks to all of you for your continued prayers, acts of kindness and words of encouragement.
Hugs!
Carie Anne
It has been a few days since I’ve written an update…because at this point nothing much has changed.
Today, Brian is off to church and I am alone with my thoughts. It has been two weeks since that fateful day when I woke up in puddle. After confirming with the doctor what I already suspected, we rushed to labor and delivery, where we were told that we could terminate the pregnancy or wait a few days for my body to go into labor naturally. Nobody can tell us why nothing much has changed, other than sometimes this happens.
I am continually learning to accept that there are no certainties and very few answers, which is why day by day, I feel more confident in our decision to leave the situation in God’s hands.
We head back to our regular OB tomorrow for a basic check-up and hope to get into see another specialist for a second opinion this week.
Many of you have asked how long I will be on bed rest and there is no certainty here either, expect that I will be here until the baby comes or there becomes a risk to my health or the baby’s health. The doctors normally try to get women on bed rest to go as far to term as possible - 40 weeks. But given this complication, it is much more likely, they will advise for baby to be born around 30 weeks, if we make it that long. For those of you counting that is 12.5 weeks of bed rest.
If we make it to 23.5 weeks, it is likely I will be put in the hospital. At our last appointment, our OB informed us that the hospital one mile away, may not be the best place to deliver, so closer to that time, we will begin to evaluate, which hospital in the area has the best statistics for pulmonary hypoplasia, which is a likely outcome. This means the baby and I could be in a hospital very far from home, away from the daily support of friends and family which is another scary thought.
There are lots of unknowns and scary days ahead, but for now we are feeling blessed and fairly content. The support of everyone has been amazing! Thanks to all of you for your continued prayers, acts of kindness and words of encouragement.
Hugs!
Carie Anne
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Day 11
Quick Update: We've had two doctors visits since my last post and both were as positive as doctors can be. Baby still has a strong heartbeat, seems to be growing and our amniotic fluid levels are up from 3.2 to 6 - which is still too low for normal healthy devlopment but every increase helps.
Keep reading for more details.
Monday night I saw my regular OB. She is 100% in our corner and takes the time to cover every question. She also researched local doctors who have done pPROM research and is working on getting me a second opinion with one she identified in the area.
I let her know my concerns about our current perinatologist and asked that she have a physician to physician chat to make sure he was completely on-board with the expectant care plan we developed. Today, I saw him again and he did everything he could at this point to assure us that he would respect our decisions.
My weekly bloodwork came back indicating there are no signs of infection, in fact my inflamation levels are actually down. And, as I said before the amniotic fluid is up to 6 cm an increase of 2.8 cm from 10 days ago. Our next ultrasound is currently scheduled on March 3...I have no idea how I am going to wait that long.
Friends and friends of friends from all over the nation have contacted us to offer support or lend their medical expertise, which makes traversing the system much easier. All of this information has been extremely helpful and one particular story gives me hope daily. This family's story is remarkably similiar to the journey we are on right now. And their eight year old daughter is God's hope revealed and a daily encouragement to us that no matter what doctors tell us, Baby Wittenberg's life is now and will remain in God's hands.
After spending the first week grieving our child, we are trying to focus on cherishing everyday that God chooses to allow baby to remain with us. And somehow prepare our hearts to be content in whatever circumstance we find ourselves in the future.
It is a faith journey unlike any we've traveled before. While I hope that God chooses to intervene and heal my body and our baby, I also pray that He will spare our child suffering from this complication.
Keep reading for more details.
Monday night I saw my regular OB. She is 100% in our corner and takes the time to cover every question. She also researched local doctors who have done pPROM research and is working on getting me a second opinion with one she identified in the area.
I let her know my concerns about our current perinatologist and asked that she have a physician to physician chat to make sure he was completely on-board with the expectant care plan we developed. Today, I saw him again and he did everything he could at this point to assure us that he would respect our decisions.
My weekly bloodwork came back indicating there are no signs of infection, in fact my inflamation levels are actually down. And, as I said before the amniotic fluid is up to 6 cm an increase of 2.8 cm from 10 days ago. Our next ultrasound is currently scheduled on March 3...I have no idea how I am going to wait that long.
Friends and friends of friends from all over the nation have contacted us to offer support or lend their medical expertise, which makes traversing the system much easier. All of this information has been extremely helpful and one particular story gives me hope daily. This family's story is remarkably similiar to the journey we are on right now. And their eight year old daughter is God's hope revealed and a daily encouragement to us that no matter what doctors tell us, Baby Wittenberg's life is now and will remain in God's hands.
After spending the first week grieving our child, we are trying to focus on cherishing everyday that God chooses to allow baby to remain with us. And somehow prepare our hearts to be content in whatever circumstance we find ourselves in the future.
It is a faith journey unlike any we've traveled before. While I hope that God chooses to intervene and heal my body and our baby, I also pray that He will spare our child suffering from this complication.
Monday, February 08, 2010
Day Nine
Quick update: No change in physical status. I go back to the doctor today. Looking for as much information on pPROM that I can possibly find.
For those of who would like so more detail, feel free to keep reading, but I’ll warn you now I’m all over the board!
We’re past day 7 – a huge milestone. As I understand it, nearly 50% of pPROM patients go into labor within 24 hours of pPROM. Of those remaining nearly 50% are in labor within 48 hours of onset. Of those still remaining, more than 90% go into labor within 7 days…So it looks like we beat the odds once again, as Baby Wittenberg seems to want to stay put at this time.
Tonight, I go to my regular OB again. I hope she can help point me in the right direction to research local specialists that take a more active care approach to pPROM versus the High Risk OB associated with the hospital, who basically indicated nothing could be done, which is why they recommend termination.
So how is pPROM bedrest, uncomfortable but not so bad. The hardest part is ensuring continued companionship, given the fact I could quickly develop an infection or go into premature labor at any moment.
My dad, who was formerly retired, now has full-time Carie watch Monday-Friday. Dad takes the 6:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. shift and Brian covers nights and weekends. Friends have been gracious enough to stop by to relieve both of Brian and Dad when they need some time away.
Brian’s mom has been hospitalized since Friday with a urinary tract infection, so none of Brian’s family is able to visit at this time – although they check up multiple times a day and I know we are in their prayers, as they are in ours.
My employer has been great. I actually keep up with my work e-mails and certain duties from home, which keeps my mind occupied and helps relieve part of the stress having me out of the office places on the organization.
Our good friend Brandi organized a meal schedule to assist us and within a couple of hours all the February slots were filled! I don’t know if I’ll be here longer than that, so we are waiting to put up a March schedule.
Through this whole situation, God is once again teaching me patience (a lesson that I seem to forgot to easily). He is also teaching me humility. I tend to do my best not bother (or rely on) God or anyone else much …I figure I can get by doing most things by myself and feel uncomfortable counting on outside help. Well now, I’m lucky I can get up to go to the bathroom myself…I’m sure many of you are laughing out loud right now! It is a truly humbling experience.
Between the meals, phone calls, Carie-sitters, flowers, packages, errands, groceries, etc, our friends and family have been more than amazing. And, through this whole ordeal, my husband Brian has once again proven that he is the most gracious, caring and supportive partner – I feel so blessed and never in my entire life have I felt so loved.
Carie Anne
For those of who would like so more detail, feel free to keep reading, but I’ll warn you now I’m all over the board!
We’re past day 7 – a huge milestone. As I understand it, nearly 50% of pPROM patients go into labor within 24 hours of pPROM. Of those remaining nearly 50% are in labor within 48 hours of onset. Of those still remaining, more than 90% go into labor within 7 days…So it looks like we beat the odds once again, as Baby Wittenberg seems to want to stay put at this time.
Tonight, I go to my regular OB again. I hope she can help point me in the right direction to research local specialists that take a more active care approach to pPROM versus the High Risk OB associated with the hospital, who basically indicated nothing could be done, which is why they recommend termination.
So how is pPROM bedrest, uncomfortable but not so bad. The hardest part is ensuring continued companionship, given the fact I could quickly develop an infection or go into premature labor at any moment.
My dad, who was formerly retired, now has full-time Carie watch Monday-Friday. Dad takes the 6:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. shift and Brian covers nights and weekends. Friends have been gracious enough to stop by to relieve both of Brian and Dad when they need some time away.
Brian’s mom has been hospitalized since Friday with a urinary tract infection, so none of Brian’s family is able to visit at this time – although they check up multiple times a day and I know we are in their prayers, as they are in ours.
My employer has been great. I actually keep up with my work e-mails and certain duties from home, which keeps my mind occupied and helps relieve part of the stress having me out of the office places on the organization.
Our good friend Brandi organized a meal schedule to assist us and within a couple of hours all the February slots were filled! I don’t know if I’ll be here longer than that, so we are waiting to put up a March schedule.
Through this whole situation, God is once again teaching me patience (a lesson that I seem to forgot to easily). He is also teaching me humility. I tend to do my best not bother (or rely on) God or anyone else much …I figure I can get by doing most things by myself and feel uncomfortable counting on outside help. Well now, I’m lucky I can get up to go to the bathroom myself…I’m sure many of you are laughing out loud right now! It is a truly humbling experience.
Between the meals, phone calls, Carie-sitters, flowers, packages, errands, groceries, etc, our friends and family have been more than amazing. And, through this whole ordeal, my husband Brian has once again proven that he is the most gracious, caring and supportive partner – I feel so blessed and never in my entire life have I felt so loved.
Carie Anne
Saturday, February 06, 2010
Day Seven
Nothing much new to report today. Still pregnant. Today, we busied ourselves with paperwork and laundry – things Carie can help with from bed
Tomorrow, we were scheduled to fly to Aruba for a final getaway before the baby came…oops. Tonight, we’ll have a quiet evening at home, putting a cramp in Brian’s plans to enjoy a night out at the United Center cheering on the Bulls with a friend. And on Friday, date night was pizza in bed, instead of the critically-acclaimed August Osage at the Cadillac Place in Chicago.
Boy, has Baby Wittenberg turned our lives upside down. Even with all the changes, we feel blessed to have made it this far and hope staying put in bed and all the prayers from friends and family continue to work wonders.
Brian and Carie Anne
Tomorrow, we were scheduled to fly to Aruba for a final getaway before the baby came…oops. Tonight, we’ll have a quiet evening at home, putting a cramp in Brian’s plans to enjoy a night out at the United Center cheering on the Bulls with a friend. And on Friday, date night was pizza in bed, instead of the critically-acclaimed August Osage at the Cadillac Place in Chicago.
Boy, has Baby Wittenberg turned our lives upside down. Even with all the changes, we feel blessed to have made it this far and hope staying put in bed and all the prayers from friends and family continue to work wonders.
Brian and Carie Anne
Friday, February 05, 2010
Day 6
Day 6
Baby Wittenberg is 18 weeks old today. At our ultrasound on Wednesday, baby still had a strong heartbeat and was measuring big. The fluid measurements indicated an increase of 1.4 cm from 3.2 to 4.6. The doctor attributed this to possible variations in measurement techniques and reminded us that it takes at least 8 cm of fluid for baby to develop properly.
Yesterday was a more difficult day, I lost a good amount of fluid and it became clear that the rupture has not sealed at this point making it increasingly unlikely that it will. The loss of fluid has caused significant and constant uncomfortable pressure in my pelvic area.
While the loss of fluid makes it more difficult for baby to move, its movements are no longer cushioned. As a result I felt baby for the first time yesterday. Normally a monumental and joyous milestone in a pregnancy, this event brought me to tears once again. I can’t help but wonder how hard baby had to struggle to cause that flutter in my tummy; I wonder if baby is suffering and again questioned every decision we’ve made.
So that brings me to the question everyone asks…how are we feeling. It is so much easy to recount the stories than to try to articulate our emotions…but I will try.
Mostly, I feel sad and broken. The overwhelming grief makes it difficult to concentrate, sleep and even breathe sometimes.
I obsess on whether we are making the right decisions, knowing that as much as we are trying to leave this completely in God’s hands, every choice we make potentially affects the outcome. Lying here in bed could prolong the pregnancy, which may be prolonging our child’s suffering. Taking a shower could cause more fluid to leak which makes it more difficult for baby to develop. Not taking a shower could increase the odds of infection for both baby and I.
At first it seemed more black and white. We chose not to induce labor and terminate the pregnancy, trusting that in His time God’s Will would be done. Six days in, it has become clear that there are new and difficult decisions everyday – decisions we feel unequipped to make.
Our decision to “wait” flies in the face of medical science – the statistics are not in our favor. It seems with each new medical professional we encounter, we again are fighting for our faith in the midst of another grim prognosis. Notice that I said for our faith and not our baby. `Baby Wittenberg is in already God’s hands be it here on earth or in heaven – as difficult as this is…it remains a guiding principle as we walk through this process.
Might God choose to intervene tomorrow and heal my body and our baby – maybe (and that is my daily prayer). Might God choose to take our child’s life at any moment and spare baby all the struggles and suffering in this world – maybe. Might God choose not to intervene at all and allow earth, nature and free-will to continue to unfold – maybe. In any case, I choose to stand firm on the God I know and have experienced time and time again… God is good and faithful. To Him be all the glory and may His will be done here on earth as it is in heaven above.
Thank you all for your encouraging words and support during this difficult time. We feel truly blessed and appreciate your kindness more than we could ever express.
Carie Anne
Baby Wittenberg is 18 weeks old today. At our ultrasound on Wednesday, baby still had a strong heartbeat and was measuring big. The fluid measurements indicated an increase of 1.4 cm from 3.2 to 4.6. The doctor attributed this to possible variations in measurement techniques and reminded us that it takes at least 8 cm of fluid for baby to develop properly.
Yesterday was a more difficult day, I lost a good amount of fluid and it became clear that the rupture has not sealed at this point making it increasingly unlikely that it will. The loss of fluid has caused significant and constant uncomfortable pressure in my pelvic area.
While the loss of fluid makes it more difficult for baby to move, its movements are no longer cushioned. As a result I felt baby for the first time yesterday. Normally a monumental and joyous milestone in a pregnancy, this event brought me to tears once again. I can’t help but wonder how hard baby had to struggle to cause that flutter in my tummy; I wonder if baby is suffering and again questioned every decision we’ve made.
So that brings me to the question everyone asks…how are we feeling. It is so much easy to recount the stories than to try to articulate our emotions…but I will try.
Mostly, I feel sad and broken. The overwhelming grief makes it difficult to concentrate, sleep and even breathe sometimes.
I obsess on whether we are making the right decisions, knowing that as much as we are trying to leave this completely in God’s hands, every choice we make potentially affects the outcome. Lying here in bed could prolong the pregnancy, which may be prolonging our child’s suffering. Taking a shower could cause more fluid to leak which makes it more difficult for baby to develop. Not taking a shower could increase the odds of infection for both baby and I.
At first it seemed more black and white. We chose not to induce labor and terminate the pregnancy, trusting that in His time God’s Will would be done. Six days in, it has become clear that there are new and difficult decisions everyday – decisions we feel unequipped to make.
Our decision to “wait” flies in the face of medical science – the statistics are not in our favor. It seems with each new medical professional we encounter, we again are fighting for our faith in the midst of another grim prognosis. Notice that I said for our faith and not our baby. `Baby Wittenberg is in already God’s hands be it here on earth or in heaven – as difficult as this is…it remains a guiding principle as we walk through this process.
Might God choose to intervene tomorrow and heal my body and our baby – maybe (and that is my daily prayer). Might God choose to take our child’s life at any moment and spare baby all the struggles and suffering in this world – maybe. Might God choose not to intervene at all and allow earth, nature and free-will to continue to unfold – maybe. In any case, I choose to stand firm on the God I know and have experienced time and time again… God is good and faithful. To Him be all the glory and may His will be done here on earth as it is in heaven above.
Thank you all for your encouraging words and support during this difficult time. We feel truly blessed and appreciate your kindness more than we could ever express.
Carie Anne
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Day 5
After going to the high risk doctor yesterday, Carie and I really don’t have any new news. We were both encouraged to see that the amniotic fluid in the womb did increase to 4.6 cm. Though the doctor did not say that this was conclusive evidence of any change, we were happy to see it.
Carie and I are still acting by faith. There are certainly times when we doubt our course of action. When I hear the percentages or the potential risks we get fearful but we have to hold onto our God.
I am constantly amazed by the love and support that we are receiving from our friends and family. We are being prayed for by people all over the country and we are SO grateful.
Brian
Carie and I are still acting by faith. There are certainly times when we doubt our course of action. When I hear the percentages or the potential risks we get fearful but we have to hold onto our God.
I am constantly amazed by the love and support that we are receiving from our friends and family. We are being prayed for by people all over the country and we are SO grateful.
Brian
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
Day Four
As Brian indicated, on Monday evening we saw our OB/GYN and what a HUGE difference. At the hospital, we were counseled to terminate the pregnancy because of the risks to the baby. They sent us home to give us time to "make the decision."
After lots of prayer, we had already determined not to terminate the pregnancy when we sat down with our doctor on Monday evening. To our relief it didn’t take any convincing. Her findings differ slightly from those of the doctors in the hospital, which is why she is more comfortable taking a wait-and-see approach.
Working together, we agreed on an expectant management plan outlining care and treatment for myself and the baby based on the associated risks.
Currently, the risks to me are low, but the risks to the baby are substantial. We understand that if the fluid stays low, the baby cannot grow properly, so even if I carry to a date of premature viability; it is unlikely the baby will survive or s/he will have significant challenges. On the flip side, the fluid could potentially increase raising the baby’s changes for survival.
The greatest risk to me is risk of infection now that there is an open pathway to my uterus. I must take my temp. 3 times daily, stay on strict bed rest and the doctors will monitor my blood work weekly for signs of infection that could put my health at risk.
The odds are clearly against us at this point, but so far we have been beating the odds all along. For those of you who do not know our story, Brian and I weren’t planning this baby. In fact years ago, I’d been told that severe scarring caused by a burst appendix would make it nearly impossible for me to ever conceive naturally – wrong.
The odds of this complication (PPROM) occurring are .4% - again we seem to be out of the norm.
It is most likely for mothers who experience PPROM to deliver within 24 hours from the water breaking…so we beat those odds too.
There is a 14% chance the bag will repair or lodge in such away to allow the fluid to increase and a 20% that our baby can survive outside the womb…it is our prayer that we fall into those unlikely categories as well.
Today, we see the high-risk OB/GYN for the first time at 1:30 as part of the management plan developed with my regular OB.
Thanks to everyone for their calls, prayers, and e-mails. Your love and support are making a difficult time more bearable.
To respect everyone’s time, I have created a blog where we will post regular updates. If you would prefer to continue receiving updates by e-mail, let me know and I will add you to an e-mail list. Otherwise, you can check the site at your leisure at http://faithrequired.blogspot.com/
Carie Anne
After lots of prayer, we had already determined not to terminate the pregnancy when we sat down with our doctor on Monday evening. To our relief it didn’t take any convincing. Her findings differ slightly from those of the doctors in the hospital, which is why she is more comfortable taking a wait-and-see approach.
Working together, we agreed on an expectant management plan outlining care and treatment for myself and the baby based on the associated risks.
Currently, the risks to me are low, but the risks to the baby are substantial. We understand that if the fluid stays low, the baby cannot grow properly, so even if I carry to a date of premature viability; it is unlikely the baby will survive or s/he will have significant challenges. On the flip side, the fluid could potentially increase raising the baby’s changes for survival.
The greatest risk to me is risk of infection now that there is an open pathway to my uterus. I must take my temp. 3 times daily, stay on strict bed rest and the doctors will monitor my blood work weekly for signs of infection that could put my health at risk.
The odds are clearly against us at this point, but so far we have been beating the odds all along. For those of you who do not know our story, Brian and I weren’t planning this baby. In fact years ago, I’d been told that severe scarring caused by a burst appendix would make it nearly impossible for me to ever conceive naturally – wrong.
The odds of this complication (PPROM) occurring are .4% - again we seem to be out of the norm.
It is most likely for mothers who experience PPROM to deliver within 24 hours from the water breaking…so we beat those odds too.
There is a 14% chance the bag will repair or lodge in such away to allow the fluid to increase and a 20% that our baby can survive outside the womb…it is our prayer that we fall into those unlikely categories as well.
Today, we see the high-risk OB/GYN for the first time at 1:30 as part of the management plan developed with my regular OB.
Thanks to everyone for their calls, prayers, and e-mails. Your love and support are making a difficult time more bearable.
To respect everyone’s time, I have created a blog where we will post regular updates. If you would prefer to continue receiving updates by e-mail, let me know and I will add you to an e-mail list. Otherwise, you can check the site at your leisure at http://faithrequired.blogspot.com/
Carie Anne
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Day Three - Holding on to Hope
We are holding on to hope for Baby Wittenberg!!
We went to the doctor’s office last night. Our doctor took another ultrasound (the baby is getting used to getting its picture taken) and the heartbeat was strong (163) and it had the same amount of fluid that it had on Sunday. This is a good sign and may mean that we are not losing any more fluid. The Dr. said that we have a 14% chance that the seal will be re-sealed so we are holding on to hope. If this happens, the fluid SHOULD re-accumulate and the lungs should hopefully develop.
We will be seeing a high risk Dr. tomorrow or Thursday and seeing our regular Dr. pretty regularly.
This next week is critical. Carie Anne could go into labor at any point or develop an infection. The good news is that she woke up dry and without lower back pain.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers.
Brian
We went to the doctor’s office last night. Our doctor took another ultrasound (the baby is getting used to getting its picture taken) and the heartbeat was strong (163) and it had the same amount of fluid that it had on Sunday. This is a good sign and may mean that we are not losing any more fluid. The Dr. said that we have a 14% chance that the seal will be re-sealed so we are holding on to hope. If this happens, the fluid SHOULD re-accumulate and the lungs should hopefully develop.
We will be seeing a high risk Dr. tomorrow or Thursday and seeing our regular Dr. pretty regularly.
This next week is critical. Carie Anne could go into labor at any point or develop an infection. The good news is that she woke up dry and without lower back pain.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers.
Brian
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Day One
As many of you know, early Sunday morning I awoke to discover that my water had broken. At 17 weeks and 2 days, the Baby Wittenberg is not big enough to survive outside of the womb and with only 3.5 cm of fluid left, Baby Wittenberg is unlikely to develop normally inside the womb.
Because of the insurmountable odds, the normal course of action would be to induce labor now – a decision Brian and I are not comfortable making at this time.
The alternative is to take a wait and see approach – which is where we are at this time. There is a slight possibility that the rupture will seal over allowing the amniotic fluid to return to a normal level and the baby to reach a premature but viable age prior to birth.
Alternatively, my body could naturally go into pre-term labor in the next few days and Baby Wittenberg will be born too early to survive.
The most difficult option would be if nothing changes. In this instance Brian and I would be faced with terminating the pregnancy now, as advised, or waiting until the natural birth which could be weeks away. Given the baby’s inability to develop properly without amniotic fluid, Baby Wittenberg has little chance for survival, even at a later birth date.
Until something changes, I am home on bed rest, proving what everyone's being telling me...there is nothing like a baby to change your world.
Thanks to each of you for your friendship. We appreciate your prayers during this difficult time.
Because of the insurmountable odds, the normal course of action would be to induce labor now – a decision Brian and I are not comfortable making at this time.
The alternative is to take a wait and see approach – which is where we are at this time. There is a slight possibility that the rupture will seal over allowing the amniotic fluid to return to a normal level and the baby to reach a premature but viable age prior to birth.
Alternatively, my body could naturally go into pre-term labor in the next few days and Baby Wittenberg will be born too early to survive.
The most difficult option would be if nothing changes. In this instance Brian and I would be faced with terminating the pregnancy now, as advised, or waiting until the natural birth which could be weeks away. Given the baby’s inability to develop properly without amniotic fluid, Baby Wittenberg has little chance for survival, even at a later birth date.
Until something changes, I am home on bed rest, proving what everyone's being telling me...there is nothing like a baby to change your world.
Thanks to each of you for your friendship. We appreciate your prayers during this difficult time.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)