Day 19

Quick Update: The rollercoaster continues as I received my blood work back yesterday indicating that my white blood count is rising – which could mean an infection. All we can do is wait and pray.
....
As we drove away from the perinatologists office on Tuesday, Brian exclaimed, “I feel as if I am beginning to wake up from a nightmare.”

Always a realist, I reminded him and myself we still have a long way to go. And one day later, we were reminded just how day-by-day this continues to be.

My regular OB phoned on Wednesday to discuss the results of the perinatologist stressing that all of this was extremely good news. Taking a deep breath, she went on to say “Unfortunately, there is a slight set back as well. Your blood work this week shows your white blood count up, which can be an early sign of infection.”

So we continue up and down, up and down.

There is nothing much to do except wait. Wait to see if my temp rises. Wait to see if there is an infection and where it is. Wait to find out if it will affect my health. Wait to find out if we will get to raise Baby Wittenberg.
….
Shortly after I found out I was pregnant, I was sharing with a good friend how ill prepared I felt to be a parent. Already a worry wart, I exclaimed I was looking forward to feeling the baby begin to move, so I would stop stressing out about whether or not the baby was doing OK in there. She laughed out loud, reminding me I’d probably want to eat those words at about 34 weeks when sleep becomes nearly impossible and baby spends a good amount of time poking and prodding around inside making mom very uncomfortable.

She went on, however, to tell me that being a parent is a contest test of faith. Being a parent, she said, is “walking around with your heart outside of your body.”

I didn’t understand those words until Tuesday. They flooded back to me when Brian said, “I feel as if I am beginning to wake up from a nightmare.”

I responded, “I don’t think I’ll be able to really breathe again until we are holding our baby and even then…”

Not completing my sentence, my thoughts trailed off. No sooner had than the words left my lips, then I realized that somehow throughout this whole process I think I’ve become a parent.