Quick Update: One step forward – two steps back…as I am back to strict bed rest thanks to more leaking. Tomorrow will be four full weeks in bed and baby reaches 21 weeks.
I am tired.
After a good week visiting with friends, positive news from the doctor, and a little more freedom, yesterday I felt wetness again. As long as there is wetness, there is a high level of certainty that the amniotic bag hasn’t sealed over and the risk of infection to me and the baby remains high. The long-term developmental risks to the baby increase as well. So back to strict bed rest I go.
I’m doing my best to choose happy, but my soul is weary.
Friday, February 26, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Day 25
Quick Update…Both Brian and I weigh in today and some more “good news” from the doctor.
BY BRIAN
Words can barely describe some of the emotions that Carie Anne and I are going through. The news that we received on day 18 of this journey was outstanding. But we also know that we are still in a high risk situation. Carie and I are holding on to hope as strong as we can. With every passing day, we know that God has granted us another day to be with baby Wittenberg and we are so lucky. I can’t wait to that day when I can shower this baby with kisses, no matter when I get to see him or her.
Yesterday, Carie went to go see her regular doctor. We are still waiting to see the results of her blood tests. If her white blood cell count is the normal range, it is continual sign that things are going in the right direction.
I have had the privilege of taking extra care of Carie this week. I have taken some extra time off of work to set her up for her day and then going to work. Even though I still can’t figure out how to use our toaster oven without burning at least one piece of toast, I can make a mean batch of scrambled eggs. I am trying to learn how to conquer the art of making a fried egg and pancakes. When I leave for work, we have an extra set of angels coming to spend time with my wife. I am truly thankful for those people. Thank you Brandi, Kim, Kerri, Nancy and Jamie.
As Carie noted in the blog earlier, my mom has been in the hospital for over 2 weeks. Because of the risk of infection to Carie and the baby, I haven’t been able to go visit her. The good news is that my mom is expected to be moved to a rehabilitation unit real soon and this will allow me to visit her.
Throughout this week, I am in constant amazement of the strength that Carie is showing through this situation. First of all, never once has she complained about my burnt toast. She has shown tremendous faith and courage.
BY CARIE ANNE
Forgive me if I ramble a bit today…I seem to have a harder and harder time putting together a coherent thought.
After two weeks without any leaking, my OB and perinatalogist are on board to transition me from strict bed rest to “home rest” if my blood work comes back OK this week. Basically, this means that I can be up on my feet for short periods during the day, but avoid stairs. And I can transition from a 45 degree laying position to a 90 degree sitting position most of the day. No cooking, cleaning, lifting, squatting, etc., but I can get up off the couch to grab my own piece of fruit or refill my drink.
While definitely appealing, I must admit I’m not as enthusiastic as I expected. After all, the doctors still cannot tell me what is going to happen next, because they cannot explain why I seem to have sealed over. The last thing I want is to begin to semi resume “normal” activities and then…oops…sorry…my water breaks again – and it is still too early for baby to survive.
OK, maybe I’m paranoid, but I cannot imagine starting again from square one.
Yesterday, I read through dozens of prayers sent to us from people around the world. The outpouring of support and love from both friends and strangers alike has been amazing and humbling. I feel so undeserving. Despite encouragement from friends who have lauded our faith, I feel right now as I am broken as ever – struggling between faith and unbelief – grateful that God’s grace is not earned but rather a gift.
I rely on the prayers of others, because I still cannot manage to put words to my feelings - grief, hope, faith, etc. Broken before Him, I have hoped He has heard the deep cries of my heart. And so, I have struggled feeling guilty because while I can express the facts – I cannot manage a coherent spoken prayer to my God who has done so much to sustain our family.
And then, a friend sent me these words of encouragement:
“We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. - Romans 8:26”
Thank each of you who have been used by our Father to provide wisdom, comfort and encouragement to us daily.
BY BRIAN
Words can barely describe some of the emotions that Carie Anne and I are going through. The news that we received on day 18 of this journey was outstanding. But we also know that we are still in a high risk situation. Carie and I are holding on to hope as strong as we can. With every passing day, we know that God has granted us another day to be with baby Wittenberg and we are so lucky. I can’t wait to that day when I can shower this baby with kisses, no matter when I get to see him or her.
Yesterday, Carie went to go see her regular doctor. We are still waiting to see the results of her blood tests. If her white blood cell count is the normal range, it is continual sign that things are going in the right direction.
I have had the privilege of taking extra care of Carie this week. I have taken some extra time off of work to set her up for her day and then going to work. Even though I still can’t figure out how to use our toaster oven without burning at least one piece of toast, I can make a mean batch of scrambled eggs. I am trying to learn how to conquer the art of making a fried egg and pancakes. When I leave for work, we have an extra set of angels coming to spend time with my wife. I am truly thankful for those people. Thank you Brandi, Kim, Kerri, Nancy and Jamie.
As Carie noted in the blog earlier, my mom has been in the hospital for over 2 weeks. Because of the risk of infection to Carie and the baby, I haven’t been able to go visit her. The good news is that my mom is expected to be moved to a rehabilitation unit real soon and this will allow me to visit her.
Throughout this week, I am in constant amazement of the strength that Carie is showing through this situation. First of all, never once has she complained about my burnt toast. She has shown tremendous faith and courage.
BY CARIE ANNE
Forgive me if I ramble a bit today…I seem to have a harder and harder time putting together a coherent thought.
After two weeks without any leaking, my OB and perinatalogist are on board to transition me from strict bed rest to “home rest” if my blood work comes back OK this week. Basically, this means that I can be up on my feet for short periods during the day, but avoid stairs. And I can transition from a 45 degree laying position to a 90 degree sitting position most of the day. No cooking, cleaning, lifting, squatting, etc., but I can get up off the couch to grab my own piece of fruit or refill my drink.
While definitely appealing, I must admit I’m not as enthusiastic as I expected. After all, the doctors still cannot tell me what is going to happen next, because they cannot explain why I seem to have sealed over. The last thing I want is to begin to semi resume “normal” activities and then…oops…sorry…my water breaks again – and it is still too early for baby to survive.
OK, maybe I’m paranoid, but I cannot imagine starting again from square one.
Yesterday, I read through dozens of prayers sent to us from people around the world. The outpouring of support and love from both friends and strangers alike has been amazing and humbling. I feel so undeserving. Despite encouragement from friends who have lauded our faith, I feel right now as I am broken as ever – struggling between faith and unbelief – grateful that God’s grace is not earned but rather a gift.
I rely on the prayers of others, because I still cannot manage to put words to my feelings - grief, hope, faith, etc. Broken before Him, I have hoped He has heard the deep cries of my heart. And so, I have struggled feeling guilty because while I can express the facts – I cannot manage a coherent spoken prayer to my God who has done so much to sustain our family.
And then, a friend sent me these words of encouragement:
“We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. - Romans 8:26”
Thank each of you who have been used by our Father to provide wisdom, comfort and encouragement to us daily.
Monday, February 22, 2010
Day 23
I’m headed back to the doctor tomorrow to do a quick baby check and another blood draw.
We are muddling through this week with the support of friends, as my regular sitters have already taken vacation after only three weeks of work :) But seriously…we hope mom and dad are enjoying Aruba.
For those of you who don’t already know, we have been dealing with another “family crisis” in the midst of all this. Brian’s mom has been in and out of the hospital for the better part of the last two weeks with what they finally isolated as a raging urinary tract infection. Complicating matters, his mother suffers from congestive heart failure, diabetes and a host of allergies to common antibiotics, so attempting to fix one problem has caused several others.
There have been many occasions where his family has reported that his mom might not make it, however, it seems now they finally have things under control and she might be headed to rehab by the end of this week!
This has been extremely difficult on Brian. As most of you know, one of the greatest risks to myself and the baby is infection. So while he has spoken with his mom and dad multiple times each day, Brian couldn’t take the risk of visiting her until the infection was isolated and under control. Nor can any of his family visit here.
I am hoping that at my appt. tomorrow my doctor will give Brian the all clear to visit his mom soon.
Thanks everyone for your continued calls, prayers and support!
Carie Anne
We are muddling through this week with the support of friends, as my regular sitters have already taken vacation after only three weeks of work :) But seriously…we hope mom and dad are enjoying Aruba.
For those of you who don’t already know, we have been dealing with another “family crisis” in the midst of all this. Brian’s mom has been in and out of the hospital for the better part of the last two weeks with what they finally isolated as a raging urinary tract infection. Complicating matters, his mother suffers from congestive heart failure, diabetes and a host of allergies to common antibiotics, so attempting to fix one problem has caused several others.
There have been many occasions where his family has reported that his mom might not make it, however, it seems now they finally have things under control and she might be headed to rehab by the end of this week!
This has been extremely difficult on Brian. As most of you know, one of the greatest risks to myself and the baby is infection. So while he has spoken with his mom and dad multiple times each day, Brian couldn’t take the risk of visiting her until the infection was isolated and under control. Nor can any of his family visit here.
I am hoping that at my appt. tomorrow my doctor will give Brian the all clear to visit his mom soon.
Thanks everyone for your continued calls, prayers and support!
Carie Anne
Friday, February 19, 2010
Day 20 - Week 20
Quick Update: Temp continues to be low and we are praying that infection stays at bay. Baby is 20 weeks old today marking another milestone date.
Baby Wittenberg is hit another milestone today – s/he is 20 weeks old today. In a normal pregnancy, we’d be half way there! According to the doctor, baby weighs 11 oz and is 10 inches long already. Studies indicate that baby can already hear us - amazing.
Twenty weeks is a medical milestone of sorts as well. For reasons nobody can quite explain prior to 20 weeks, medical science would classify losing baby Wittenberg as a miscarriage. After 20 weeks, it is no longer classified as a miscarriage. Instead a baby born this early would be classified as stillborn.
In an early miscarriage prior to 16.5 weeks, the baby is so small, most women do not need to go through the birthing process. In most cases after that point, a child who passes away before birth must be born.
I cannot imagine having to labor and birth our baby while grieving - knowing that baby will never draw even a single breath. At one point that was our most likely scenario. Now, we have hope that our child may survive this ordeal.
Thanks for reading and for your continued prayers.
Baby Wittenberg is hit another milestone today – s/he is 20 weeks old today. In a normal pregnancy, we’d be half way there! According to the doctor, baby weighs 11 oz and is 10 inches long already. Studies indicate that baby can already hear us - amazing.
Twenty weeks is a medical milestone of sorts as well. For reasons nobody can quite explain prior to 20 weeks, medical science would classify losing baby Wittenberg as a miscarriage. After 20 weeks, it is no longer classified as a miscarriage. Instead a baby born this early would be classified as stillborn.
In an early miscarriage prior to 16.5 weeks, the baby is so small, most women do not need to go through the birthing process. In most cases after that point, a child who passes away before birth must be born.
I cannot imagine having to labor and birth our baby while grieving - knowing that baby will never draw even a single breath. At one point that was our most likely scenario. Now, we have hope that our child may survive this ordeal.
Thanks for reading and for your continued prayers.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Day 19
Quick Update: The rollercoaster continues as I received my blood work back yesterday indicating that my white blood count is rising – which could mean an infection. All we can do is wait and pray.
....
As we drove away from the perinatologists office on Tuesday, Brian exclaimed, “I feel as if I am beginning to wake up from a nightmare.”
Always a realist, I reminded him and myself we still have a long way to go. And one day later, we were reminded just how day-by-day this continues to be.
My regular OB phoned on Wednesday to discuss the results of the perinatologist stressing that all of this was extremely good news. Taking a deep breath, she went on to say “Unfortunately, there is a slight set back as well. Your blood work this week shows your white blood count up, which can be an early sign of infection.”
So we continue up and down, up and down.
There is nothing much to do except wait. Wait to see if my temp rises. Wait to see if there is an infection and where it is. Wait to find out if it will affect my health. Wait to find out if we will get to raise Baby Wittenberg.
….
Shortly after I found out I was pregnant, I was sharing with a good friend how ill prepared I felt to be a parent. Already a worry wart, I exclaimed I was looking forward to feeling the baby begin to move, so I would stop stressing out about whether or not the baby was doing OK in there. She laughed out loud, reminding me I’d probably want to eat those words at about 34 weeks when sleep becomes nearly impossible and baby spends a good amount of time poking and prodding around inside making mom very uncomfortable.
She went on, however, to tell me that being a parent is a contest test of faith. Being a parent, she said, is “walking around with your heart outside of your body.”
I didn’t understand those words until Tuesday. They flooded back to me when Brian said, “I feel as if I am beginning to wake up from a nightmare.”
I responded, “I don’t think I’ll be able to really breathe again until we are holding our baby and even then…”
Not completing my sentence, my thoughts trailed off. No sooner had than the words left my lips, then I realized that somehow throughout this whole process I think I’ve become a parent.
....
As we drove away from the perinatologists office on Tuesday, Brian exclaimed, “I feel as if I am beginning to wake up from a nightmare.”
Always a realist, I reminded him and myself we still have a long way to go. And one day later, we were reminded just how day-by-day this continues to be.
My regular OB phoned on Wednesday to discuss the results of the perinatologist stressing that all of this was extremely good news. Taking a deep breath, she went on to say “Unfortunately, there is a slight set back as well. Your blood work this week shows your white blood count up, which can be an early sign of infection.”
So we continue up and down, up and down.
There is nothing much to do except wait. Wait to see if my temp rises. Wait to see if there is an infection and where it is. Wait to find out if it will affect my health. Wait to find out if we will get to raise Baby Wittenberg.
….
Shortly after I found out I was pregnant, I was sharing with a good friend how ill prepared I felt to be a parent. Already a worry wart, I exclaimed I was looking forward to feeling the baby begin to move, so I would stop stressing out about whether or not the baby was doing OK in there. She laughed out loud, reminding me I’d probably want to eat those words at about 34 weeks when sleep becomes nearly impossible and baby spends a good amount of time poking and prodding around inside making mom very uncomfortable.
She went on, however, to tell me that being a parent is a contest test of faith. Being a parent, she said, is “walking around with your heart outside of your body.”
I didn’t understand those words until Tuesday. They flooded back to me when Brian said, “I feel as if I am beginning to wake up from a nightmare.”
I responded, “I don’t think I’ll be able to really breathe again until we are holding our baby and even then…”
Not completing my sentence, my thoughts trailed off. No sooner had than the words left my lips, then I realized that somehow throughout this whole process I think I’ve become a parent.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Day 18
Quick Update: Saw a new perinatologist yesterday with some surprisingly positive results. Fluid levels are up over 8 and have hit the “normal-low” range. The baby’s growth is on target.
Here is a more detailed account of yesterday’s events.
The water from the shower muffled the sobs that erupted as I once again prepared to see another doctor. It had been more than two weeks since we’d be advised to terminate the pregnancy, and while there had been glimmers of hope, overall the prognosis was bleak.
Tuesday morning I methodically reviewed dozens of medical studies I’d collected in the past two weeks without emotion as I prepared questions for the new perinatologist. As the water from the shower release from above with it came all the emotions I’d been bottling up – not one pPROM baby prior to a 19 week rupture had survived.
By the time my father came up to let me know it was time to leave, I had long dried my tears and was now dressed and ready to go. One look at me and his voice grew quiet as he asked, “What’s wrong.”
“I don’t know if I can do this again…it just seems like we are waiting for the baby to die.” I said as my eyes welled up with tears once again.
With a gentle defiance, Dad reminded me that most of the time the “right thing” isn’t easy, but for right now, Baby Wittenberg had a heartbeat and was surviving the ordeal, the rest is in God’s hands.
…..
The nurse had just finished my basic vitals and I was recounting “our story” once again when Brian arrived. Soon after the ultrasound technician joined us. Over the next 45 minutes, we chatted as she went to work snapping pictures and taking measurements of each part of our baby’s anatomy. She pointed out each part – the spine, brain, head, eyes, nose, lips, hands, abdomen, kidneys, bladder, legs, feet, heart…etc.
She giggled out loud when she jiggled my belly and the baby began to squirm. “I need to get a good shot of the heart and right now its shadowed by the baby’s spine,” she explained. As she began to laugh, I was reminded of the shock and joy I felt when Brian and I saw our first ultrasound picture in December.
This was different from every other ultrasound since the incident. Normally, they simply focus on the amniotic fluid; this tech seemed unconcerned about the fluid level. About half way through the exam, Brian couldn’t wait anymore and asked the question we both really wanted to know, “How many centimeters of fluid does the baby have.”
Much to our surprise, she told us that their practice normally don’t measure fluid prior to 24 weeks, because the baby is so small it can be a very inexact science and the doctor would explain more. She must have seen the instant look of despair on our faces. After all, waiting for “the doctor to explain” we’ve come to discover means waiting on someone who gets paid much more to deliver the bad news the tech, nurse, etc. discovered during the initial exam.
“No, really we don’t generally measure this early,” she quickly added, “at this point looking at four quadrants at different angles it is too easy to count the same fluid twice. But, if I take a picture like this, you can see there is a large 3.5 c.m. pocket of fluid here at the top and another one the same size here at the bottom.” Sensing our shock she added, “Normally, we’d see a little more at this point and you really need to ask the doctor, but from what I’m seeing you look to be on the low end of normal.”
……
After introducing himself and once again asking me to recount the details of the last 3 weeks, the doctor sat down next to me, picked up the ultrasound wand and began his own examination of our little one.
"After looking through your chart and given your story, I thought I’d be coming in to give you disappointing news today, but you seem to be one of the very rare exceptions.”
He went on to explain that given the steady increase in the fluid level to date, it seems I could be one of those very rare cases where the amniotic bags seals over. The best part - the baby now has enough fluid to develop properly.
We aren’t out of the woods yet. An infection could still set in, which would jeopardize my health as well as Baby Wittenberg. However, with each day that goes by without leaking, my body once again begins to build up a barrier and the chance of infection becomes less likely.
…..
As we ended the doctor said, “Yours is one of those cases medical science just can’t explain.”
Maybe they can’t be I can.
Thanks everyone for their consistent prayers. These past three weeks, we tried very diligently to continue to honor and praise God through the storm. Today, we are thankful that He has chosen to calm the waters.
Here is a more detailed account of yesterday’s events.
The water from the shower muffled the sobs that erupted as I once again prepared to see another doctor. It had been more than two weeks since we’d be advised to terminate the pregnancy, and while there had been glimmers of hope, overall the prognosis was bleak.
Tuesday morning I methodically reviewed dozens of medical studies I’d collected in the past two weeks without emotion as I prepared questions for the new perinatologist. As the water from the shower release from above with it came all the emotions I’d been bottling up – not one pPROM baby prior to a 19 week rupture had survived.
By the time my father came up to let me know it was time to leave, I had long dried my tears and was now dressed and ready to go. One look at me and his voice grew quiet as he asked, “What’s wrong.”
“I don’t know if I can do this again…it just seems like we are waiting for the baby to die.” I said as my eyes welled up with tears once again.
With a gentle defiance, Dad reminded me that most of the time the “right thing” isn’t easy, but for right now, Baby Wittenberg had a heartbeat and was surviving the ordeal, the rest is in God’s hands.
…..
The nurse had just finished my basic vitals and I was recounting “our story” once again when Brian arrived. Soon after the ultrasound technician joined us. Over the next 45 minutes, we chatted as she went to work snapping pictures and taking measurements of each part of our baby’s anatomy. She pointed out each part – the spine, brain, head, eyes, nose, lips, hands, abdomen, kidneys, bladder, legs, feet, heart…etc.
She giggled out loud when she jiggled my belly and the baby began to squirm. “I need to get a good shot of the heart and right now its shadowed by the baby’s spine,” she explained. As she began to laugh, I was reminded of the shock and joy I felt when Brian and I saw our first ultrasound picture in December.
This was different from every other ultrasound since the incident. Normally, they simply focus on the amniotic fluid; this tech seemed unconcerned about the fluid level. About half way through the exam, Brian couldn’t wait anymore and asked the question we both really wanted to know, “How many centimeters of fluid does the baby have.”
Much to our surprise, she told us that their practice normally don’t measure fluid prior to 24 weeks, because the baby is so small it can be a very inexact science and the doctor would explain more. She must have seen the instant look of despair on our faces. After all, waiting for “the doctor to explain” we’ve come to discover means waiting on someone who gets paid much more to deliver the bad news the tech, nurse, etc. discovered during the initial exam.
“No, really we don’t generally measure this early,” she quickly added, “at this point looking at four quadrants at different angles it is too easy to count the same fluid twice. But, if I take a picture like this, you can see there is a large 3.5 c.m. pocket of fluid here at the top and another one the same size here at the bottom.” Sensing our shock she added, “Normally, we’d see a little more at this point and you really need to ask the doctor, but from what I’m seeing you look to be on the low end of normal.”
……
After introducing himself and once again asking me to recount the details of the last 3 weeks, the doctor sat down next to me, picked up the ultrasound wand and began his own examination of our little one.
"After looking through your chart and given your story, I thought I’d be coming in to give you disappointing news today, but you seem to be one of the very rare exceptions.”
He went on to explain that given the steady increase in the fluid level to date, it seems I could be one of those very rare cases where the amniotic bags seals over. The best part - the baby now has enough fluid to develop properly.
We aren’t out of the woods yet. An infection could still set in, which would jeopardize my health as well as Baby Wittenberg. However, with each day that goes by without leaking, my body once again begins to build up a barrier and the chance of infection becomes less likely.
…..
As we ended the doctor said, “Yours is one of those cases medical science just can’t explain.”
Maybe they can’t be I can.
Thanks everyone for their consistent prayers. These past three weeks, we tried very diligently to continue to honor and praise God through the storm. Today, we are thankful that He has chosen to calm the waters.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Day 16
When people ask me “how is everything going”, my standard answer is that everything is status quo. This is a good thing. I often have to remind myself that it is a good thing.
Carie has been amazing during this entire situation. She is doing everything she can to make the best out of a difficult situation. I am really proud of her. Always following the doctor’s orders, researching anything that she could do, and being a rock of faith.
My faith is strong right now but that doesn’t mean that I am not fearful. With every pain that Carie experiences, I am nervous that it could be the sign of premature labor coming. Every time she shifts her body, I am nervous that she will be loosing additional fluid.
With every day that passes, we know that we are one step further to making it toward viability. It is hopeful to see that the amniotic fluid has increased since everything happened.
I am so very thankful for the love and support of our friends and family. We couldn’t do it without them.
Brian
Carie has been amazing during this entire situation. She is doing everything she can to make the best out of a difficult situation. I am really proud of her. Always following the doctor’s orders, researching anything that she could do, and being a rock of faith.
My faith is strong right now but that doesn’t mean that I am not fearful. With every pain that Carie experiences, I am nervous that it could be the sign of premature labor coming. Every time she shifts her body, I am nervous that she will be loosing additional fluid.
With every day that passes, we know that we are one step further to making it toward viability. It is hopeful to see that the amniotic fluid has increased since everything happened.
I am so very thankful for the love and support of our friends and family. We couldn’t do it without them.
Brian
Sunday, February 14, 2010
Day 15
Quick update…Physical status remains the same – not so much for my mental status as I’m beginning to go nuts in bed. We are in need of lunch buddies to spend a few hours with me in the afternoon Monday, February 22 – Saturday, February 27…my folks are going out of town and Brian will be at work. Let me know if you would be available to help out.
It has been a few days since I’ve written an update…because at this point nothing much has changed.
Today, Brian is off to church and I am alone with my thoughts. It has been two weeks since that fateful day when I woke up in puddle. After confirming with the doctor what I already suspected, we rushed to labor and delivery, where we were told that we could terminate the pregnancy or wait a few days for my body to go into labor naturally. Nobody can tell us why nothing much has changed, other than sometimes this happens.
I am continually learning to accept that there are no certainties and very few answers, which is why day by day, I feel more confident in our decision to leave the situation in God’s hands.
We head back to our regular OB tomorrow for a basic check-up and hope to get into see another specialist for a second opinion this week.
Many of you have asked how long I will be on bed rest and there is no certainty here either, expect that I will be here until the baby comes or there becomes a risk to my health or the baby’s health. The doctors normally try to get women on bed rest to go as far to term as possible - 40 weeks. But given this complication, it is much more likely, they will advise for baby to be born around 30 weeks, if we make it that long. For those of you counting that is 12.5 weeks of bed rest.
If we make it to 23.5 weeks, it is likely I will be put in the hospital. At our last appointment, our OB informed us that the hospital one mile away, may not be the best place to deliver, so closer to that time, we will begin to evaluate, which hospital in the area has the best statistics for pulmonary hypoplasia, which is a likely outcome. This means the baby and I could be in a hospital very far from home, away from the daily support of friends and family which is another scary thought.
There are lots of unknowns and scary days ahead, but for now we are feeling blessed and fairly content. The support of everyone has been amazing! Thanks to all of you for your continued prayers, acts of kindness and words of encouragement.
Hugs!
Carie Anne
It has been a few days since I’ve written an update…because at this point nothing much has changed.
Today, Brian is off to church and I am alone with my thoughts. It has been two weeks since that fateful day when I woke up in puddle. After confirming with the doctor what I already suspected, we rushed to labor and delivery, where we were told that we could terminate the pregnancy or wait a few days for my body to go into labor naturally. Nobody can tell us why nothing much has changed, other than sometimes this happens.
I am continually learning to accept that there are no certainties and very few answers, which is why day by day, I feel more confident in our decision to leave the situation in God’s hands.
We head back to our regular OB tomorrow for a basic check-up and hope to get into see another specialist for a second opinion this week.
Many of you have asked how long I will be on bed rest and there is no certainty here either, expect that I will be here until the baby comes or there becomes a risk to my health or the baby’s health. The doctors normally try to get women on bed rest to go as far to term as possible - 40 weeks. But given this complication, it is much more likely, they will advise for baby to be born around 30 weeks, if we make it that long. For those of you counting that is 12.5 weeks of bed rest.
If we make it to 23.5 weeks, it is likely I will be put in the hospital. At our last appointment, our OB informed us that the hospital one mile away, may not be the best place to deliver, so closer to that time, we will begin to evaluate, which hospital in the area has the best statistics for pulmonary hypoplasia, which is a likely outcome. This means the baby and I could be in a hospital very far from home, away from the daily support of friends and family which is another scary thought.
There are lots of unknowns and scary days ahead, but for now we are feeling blessed and fairly content. The support of everyone has been amazing! Thanks to all of you for your continued prayers, acts of kindness and words of encouragement.
Hugs!
Carie Anne
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Day 11
Quick Update: We've had two doctors visits since my last post and both were as positive as doctors can be. Baby still has a strong heartbeat, seems to be growing and our amniotic fluid levels are up from 3.2 to 6 - which is still too low for normal healthy devlopment but every increase helps.
Keep reading for more details.
Monday night I saw my regular OB. She is 100% in our corner and takes the time to cover every question. She also researched local doctors who have done pPROM research and is working on getting me a second opinion with one she identified in the area.
I let her know my concerns about our current perinatologist and asked that she have a physician to physician chat to make sure he was completely on-board with the expectant care plan we developed. Today, I saw him again and he did everything he could at this point to assure us that he would respect our decisions.
My weekly bloodwork came back indicating there are no signs of infection, in fact my inflamation levels are actually down. And, as I said before the amniotic fluid is up to 6 cm an increase of 2.8 cm from 10 days ago. Our next ultrasound is currently scheduled on March 3...I have no idea how I am going to wait that long.
Friends and friends of friends from all over the nation have contacted us to offer support or lend their medical expertise, which makes traversing the system much easier. All of this information has been extremely helpful and one particular story gives me hope daily. This family's story is remarkably similiar to the journey we are on right now. And their eight year old daughter is God's hope revealed and a daily encouragement to us that no matter what doctors tell us, Baby Wittenberg's life is now and will remain in God's hands.
After spending the first week grieving our child, we are trying to focus on cherishing everyday that God chooses to allow baby to remain with us. And somehow prepare our hearts to be content in whatever circumstance we find ourselves in the future.
It is a faith journey unlike any we've traveled before. While I hope that God chooses to intervene and heal my body and our baby, I also pray that He will spare our child suffering from this complication.
Keep reading for more details.
Monday night I saw my regular OB. She is 100% in our corner and takes the time to cover every question. She also researched local doctors who have done pPROM research and is working on getting me a second opinion with one she identified in the area.
I let her know my concerns about our current perinatologist and asked that she have a physician to physician chat to make sure he was completely on-board with the expectant care plan we developed. Today, I saw him again and he did everything he could at this point to assure us that he would respect our decisions.
My weekly bloodwork came back indicating there are no signs of infection, in fact my inflamation levels are actually down. And, as I said before the amniotic fluid is up to 6 cm an increase of 2.8 cm from 10 days ago. Our next ultrasound is currently scheduled on March 3...I have no idea how I am going to wait that long.
Friends and friends of friends from all over the nation have contacted us to offer support or lend their medical expertise, which makes traversing the system much easier. All of this information has been extremely helpful and one particular story gives me hope daily. This family's story is remarkably similiar to the journey we are on right now. And their eight year old daughter is God's hope revealed and a daily encouragement to us that no matter what doctors tell us, Baby Wittenberg's life is now and will remain in God's hands.
After spending the first week grieving our child, we are trying to focus on cherishing everyday that God chooses to allow baby to remain with us. And somehow prepare our hearts to be content in whatever circumstance we find ourselves in the future.
It is a faith journey unlike any we've traveled before. While I hope that God chooses to intervene and heal my body and our baby, I also pray that He will spare our child suffering from this complication.
Monday, February 08, 2010
Day Nine
Quick update: No change in physical status. I go back to the doctor today. Looking for as much information on pPROM that I can possibly find.
For those of who would like so more detail, feel free to keep reading, but I’ll warn you now I’m all over the board!
We’re past day 7 – a huge milestone. As I understand it, nearly 50% of pPROM patients go into labor within 24 hours of pPROM. Of those remaining nearly 50% are in labor within 48 hours of onset. Of those still remaining, more than 90% go into labor within 7 days…So it looks like we beat the odds once again, as Baby Wittenberg seems to want to stay put at this time.
Tonight, I go to my regular OB again. I hope she can help point me in the right direction to research local specialists that take a more active care approach to pPROM versus the High Risk OB associated with the hospital, who basically indicated nothing could be done, which is why they recommend termination.
So how is pPROM bedrest, uncomfortable but not so bad. The hardest part is ensuring continued companionship, given the fact I could quickly develop an infection or go into premature labor at any moment.
My dad, who was formerly retired, now has full-time Carie watch Monday-Friday. Dad takes the 6:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. shift and Brian covers nights and weekends. Friends have been gracious enough to stop by to relieve both of Brian and Dad when they need some time away.
Brian’s mom has been hospitalized since Friday with a urinary tract infection, so none of Brian’s family is able to visit at this time – although they check up multiple times a day and I know we are in their prayers, as they are in ours.
My employer has been great. I actually keep up with my work e-mails and certain duties from home, which keeps my mind occupied and helps relieve part of the stress having me out of the office places on the organization.
Our good friend Brandi organized a meal schedule to assist us and within a couple of hours all the February slots were filled! I don’t know if I’ll be here longer than that, so we are waiting to put up a March schedule.
Through this whole situation, God is once again teaching me patience (a lesson that I seem to forgot to easily). He is also teaching me humility. I tend to do my best not bother (or rely on) God or anyone else much …I figure I can get by doing most things by myself and feel uncomfortable counting on outside help. Well now, I’m lucky I can get up to go to the bathroom myself…I’m sure many of you are laughing out loud right now! It is a truly humbling experience.
Between the meals, phone calls, Carie-sitters, flowers, packages, errands, groceries, etc, our friends and family have been more than amazing. And, through this whole ordeal, my husband Brian has once again proven that he is the most gracious, caring and supportive partner – I feel so blessed and never in my entire life have I felt so loved.
Carie Anne
For those of who would like so more detail, feel free to keep reading, but I’ll warn you now I’m all over the board!
We’re past day 7 – a huge milestone. As I understand it, nearly 50% of pPROM patients go into labor within 24 hours of pPROM. Of those remaining nearly 50% are in labor within 48 hours of onset. Of those still remaining, more than 90% go into labor within 7 days…So it looks like we beat the odds once again, as Baby Wittenberg seems to want to stay put at this time.
Tonight, I go to my regular OB again. I hope she can help point me in the right direction to research local specialists that take a more active care approach to pPROM versus the High Risk OB associated with the hospital, who basically indicated nothing could be done, which is why they recommend termination.
So how is pPROM bedrest, uncomfortable but not so bad. The hardest part is ensuring continued companionship, given the fact I could quickly develop an infection or go into premature labor at any moment.
My dad, who was formerly retired, now has full-time Carie watch Monday-Friday. Dad takes the 6:30 a.m. to 5:30 p.m. shift and Brian covers nights and weekends. Friends have been gracious enough to stop by to relieve both of Brian and Dad when they need some time away.
Brian’s mom has been hospitalized since Friday with a urinary tract infection, so none of Brian’s family is able to visit at this time – although they check up multiple times a day and I know we are in their prayers, as they are in ours.
My employer has been great. I actually keep up with my work e-mails and certain duties from home, which keeps my mind occupied and helps relieve part of the stress having me out of the office places on the organization.
Our good friend Brandi organized a meal schedule to assist us and within a couple of hours all the February slots were filled! I don’t know if I’ll be here longer than that, so we are waiting to put up a March schedule.
Through this whole situation, God is once again teaching me patience (a lesson that I seem to forgot to easily). He is also teaching me humility. I tend to do my best not bother (or rely on) God or anyone else much …I figure I can get by doing most things by myself and feel uncomfortable counting on outside help. Well now, I’m lucky I can get up to go to the bathroom myself…I’m sure many of you are laughing out loud right now! It is a truly humbling experience.
Between the meals, phone calls, Carie-sitters, flowers, packages, errands, groceries, etc, our friends and family have been more than amazing. And, through this whole ordeal, my husband Brian has once again proven that he is the most gracious, caring and supportive partner – I feel so blessed and never in my entire life have I felt so loved.
Carie Anne
Saturday, February 06, 2010
Day Seven
Nothing much new to report today. Still pregnant. Today, we busied ourselves with paperwork and laundry – things Carie can help with from bed
Tomorrow, we were scheduled to fly to Aruba for a final getaway before the baby came…oops. Tonight, we’ll have a quiet evening at home, putting a cramp in Brian’s plans to enjoy a night out at the United Center cheering on the Bulls with a friend. And on Friday, date night was pizza in bed, instead of the critically-acclaimed August Osage at the Cadillac Place in Chicago.
Boy, has Baby Wittenberg turned our lives upside down. Even with all the changes, we feel blessed to have made it this far and hope staying put in bed and all the prayers from friends and family continue to work wonders.
Brian and Carie Anne
Tomorrow, we were scheduled to fly to Aruba for a final getaway before the baby came…oops. Tonight, we’ll have a quiet evening at home, putting a cramp in Brian’s plans to enjoy a night out at the United Center cheering on the Bulls with a friend. And on Friday, date night was pizza in bed, instead of the critically-acclaimed August Osage at the Cadillac Place in Chicago.
Boy, has Baby Wittenberg turned our lives upside down. Even with all the changes, we feel blessed to have made it this far and hope staying put in bed and all the prayers from friends and family continue to work wonders.
Brian and Carie Anne
Friday, February 05, 2010
Day 6
Day 6
Baby Wittenberg is 18 weeks old today. At our ultrasound on Wednesday, baby still had a strong heartbeat and was measuring big. The fluid measurements indicated an increase of 1.4 cm from 3.2 to 4.6. The doctor attributed this to possible variations in measurement techniques and reminded us that it takes at least 8 cm of fluid for baby to develop properly.
Yesterday was a more difficult day, I lost a good amount of fluid and it became clear that the rupture has not sealed at this point making it increasingly unlikely that it will. The loss of fluid has caused significant and constant uncomfortable pressure in my pelvic area.
While the loss of fluid makes it more difficult for baby to move, its movements are no longer cushioned. As a result I felt baby for the first time yesterday. Normally a monumental and joyous milestone in a pregnancy, this event brought me to tears once again. I can’t help but wonder how hard baby had to struggle to cause that flutter in my tummy; I wonder if baby is suffering and again questioned every decision we’ve made.
So that brings me to the question everyone asks…how are we feeling. It is so much easy to recount the stories than to try to articulate our emotions…but I will try.
Mostly, I feel sad and broken. The overwhelming grief makes it difficult to concentrate, sleep and even breathe sometimes.
I obsess on whether we are making the right decisions, knowing that as much as we are trying to leave this completely in God’s hands, every choice we make potentially affects the outcome. Lying here in bed could prolong the pregnancy, which may be prolonging our child’s suffering. Taking a shower could cause more fluid to leak which makes it more difficult for baby to develop. Not taking a shower could increase the odds of infection for both baby and I.
At first it seemed more black and white. We chose not to induce labor and terminate the pregnancy, trusting that in His time God’s Will would be done. Six days in, it has become clear that there are new and difficult decisions everyday – decisions we feel unequipped to make.
Our decision to “wait” flies in the face of medical science – the statistics are not in our favor. It seems with each new medical professional we encounter, we again are fighting for our faith in the midst of another grim prognosis. Notice that I said for our faith and not our baby. `Baby Wittenberg is in already God’s hands be it here on earth or in heaven – as difficult as this is…it remains a guiding principle as we walk through this process.
Might God choose to intervene tomorrow and heal my body and our baby – maybe (and that is my daily prayer). Might God choose to take our child’s life at any moment and spare baby all the struggles and suffering in this world – maybe. Might God choose not to intervene at all and allow earth, nature and free-will to continue to unfold – maybe. In any case, I choose to stand firm on the God I know and have experienced time and time again… God is good and faithful. To Him be all the glory and may His will be done here on earth as it is in heaven above.
Thank you all for your encouraging words and support during this difficult time. We feel truly blessed and appreciate your kindness more than we could ever express.
Carie Anne
Baby Wittenberg is 18 weeks old today. At our ultrasound on Wednesday, baby still had a strong heartbeat and was measuring big. The fluid measurements indicated an increase of 1.4 cm from 3.2 to 4.6. The doctor attributed this to possible variations in measurement techniques and reminded us that it takes at least 8 cm of fluid for baby to develop properly.
Yesterday was a more difficult day, I lost a good amount of fluid and it became clear that the rupture has not sealed at this point making it increasingly unlikely that it will. The loss of fluid has caused significant and constant uncomfortable pressure in my pelvic area.
While the loss of fluid makes it more difficult for baby to move, its movements are no longer cushioned. As a result I felt baby for the first time yesterday. Normally a monumental and joyous milestone in a pregnancy, this event brought me to tears once again. I can’t help but wonder how hard baby had to struggle to cause that flutter in my tummy; I wonder if baby is suffering and again questioned every decision we’ve made.
So that brings me to the question everyone asks…how are we feeling. It is so much easy to recount the stories than to try to articulate our emotions…but I will try.
Mostly, I feel sad and broken. The overwhelming grief makes it difficult to concentrate, sleep and even breathe sometimes.
I obsess on whether we are making the right decisions, knowing that as much as we are trying to leave this completely in God’s hands, every choice we make potentially affects the outcome. Lying here in bed could prolong the pregnancy, which may be prolonging our child’s suffering. Taking a shower could cause more fluid to leak which makes it more difficult for baby to develop. Not taking a shower could increase the odds of infection for both baby and I.
At first it seemed more black and white. We chose not to induce labor and terminate the pregnancy, trusting that in His time God’s Will would be done. Six days in, it has become clear that there are new and difficult decisions everyday – decisions we feel unequipped to make.
Our decision to “wait” flies in the face of medical science – the statistics are not in our favor. It seems with each new medical professional we encounter, we again are fighting for our faith in the midst of another grim prognosis. Notice that I said for our faith and not our baby. `Baby Wittenberg is in already God’s hands be it here on earth or in heaven – as difficult as this is…it remains a guiding principle as we walk through this process.
Might God choose to intervene tomorrow and heal my body and our baby – maybe (and that is my daily prayer). Might God choose to take our child’s life at any moment and spare baby all the struggles and suffering in this world – maybe. Might God choose not to intervene at all and allow earth, nature and free-will to continue to unfold – maybe. In any case, I choose to stand firm on the God I know and have experienced time and time again… God is good and faithful. To Him be all the glory and may His will be done here on earth as it is in heaven above.
Thank you all for your encouraging words and support during this difficult time. We feel truly blessed and appreciate your kindness more than we could ever express.
Carie Anne
Thursday, February 04, 2010
Day 5
After going to the high risk doctor yesterday, Carie and I really don’t have any new news. We were both encouraged to see that the amniotic fluid in the womb did increase to 4.6 cm. Though the doctor did not say that this was conclusive evidence of any change, we were happy to see it.
Carie and I are still acting by faith. There are certainly times when we doubt our course of action. When I hear the percentages or the potential risks we get fearful but we have to hold onto our God.
I am constantly amazed by the love and support that we are receiving from our friends and family. We are being prayed for by people all over the country and we are SO grateful.
Brian
Carie and I are still acting by faith. There are certainly times when we doubt our course of action. When I hear the percentages or the potential risks we get fearful but we have to hold onto our God.
I am constantly amazed by the love and support that we are receiving from our friends and family. We are being prayed for by people all over the country and we are SO grateful.
Brian
Wednesday, February 03, 2010
Day Four
As Brian indicated, on Monday evening we saw our OB/GYN and what a HUGE difference. At the hospital, we were counseled to terminate the pregnancy because of the risks to the baby. They sent us home to give us time to "make the decision."
After lots of prayer, we had already determined not to terminate the pregnancy when we sat down with our doctor on Monday evening. To our relief it didn’t take any convincing. Her findings differ slightly from those of the doctors in the hospital, which is why she is more comfortable taking a wait-and-see approach.
Working together, we agreed on an expectant management plan outlining care and treatment for myself and the baby based on the associated risks.
Currently, the risks to me are low, but the risks to the baby are substantial. We understand that if the fluid stays low, the baby cannot grow properly, so even if I carry to a date of premature viability; it is unlikely the baby will survive or s/he will have significant challenges. On the flip side, the fluid could potentially increase raising the baby’s changes for survival.
The greatest risk to me is risk of infection now that there is an open pathway to my uterus. I must take my temp. 3 times daily, stay on strict bed rest and the doctors will monitor my blood work weekly for signs of infection that could put my health at risk.
The odds are clearly against us at this point, but so far we have been beating the odds all along. For those of you who do not know our story, Brian and I weren’t planning this baby. In fact years ago, I’d been told that severe scarring caused by a burst appendix would make it nearly impossible for me to ever conceive naturally – wrong.
The odds of this complication (PPROM) occurring are .4% - again we seem to be out of the norm.
It is most likely for mothers who experience PPROM to deliver within 24 hours from the water breaking…so we beat those odds too.
There is a 14% chance the bag will repair or lodge in such away to allow the fluid to increase and a 20% that our baby can survive outside the womb…it is our prayer that we fall into those unlikely categories as well.
Today, we see the high-risk OB/GYN for the first time at 1:30 as part of the management plan developed with my regular OB.
Thanks to everyone for their calls, prayers, and e-mails. Your love and support are making a difficult time more bearable.
To respect everyone’s time, I have created a blog where we will post regular updates. If you would prefer to continue receiving updates by e-mail, let me know and I will add you to an e-mail list. Otherwise, you can check the site at your leisure at http://faithrequired.blogspot.com/
Carie Anne
After lots of prayer, we had already determined not to terminate the pregnancy when we sat down with our doctor on Monday evening. To our relief it didn’t take any convincing. Her findings differ slightly from those of the doctors in the hospital, which is why she is more comfortable taking a wait-and-see approach.
Working together, we agreed on an expectant management plan outlining care and treatment for myself and the baby based on the associated risks.
Currently, the risks to me are low, but the risks to the baby are substantial. We understand that if the fluid stays low, the baby cannot grow properly, so even if I carry to a date of premature viability; it is unlikely the baby will survive or s/he will have significant challenges. On the flip side, the fluid could potentially increase raising the baby’s changes for survival.
The greatest risk to me is risk of infection now that there is an open pathway to my uterus. I must take my temp. 3 times daily, stay on strict bed rest and the doctors will monitor my blood work weekly for signs of infection that could put my health at risk.
The odds are clearly against us at this point, but so far we have been beating the odds all along. For those of you who do not know our story, Brian and I weren’t planning this baby. In fact years ago, I’d been told that severe scarring caused by a burst appendix would make it nearly impossible for me to ever conceive naturally – wrong.
The odds of this complication (PPROM) occurring are .4% - again we seem to be out of the norm.
It is most likely for mothers who experience PPROM to deliver within 24 hours from the water breaking…so we beat those odds too.
There is a 14% chance the bag will repair or lodge in such away to allow the fluid to increase and a 20% that our baby can survive outside the womb…it is our prayer that we fall into those unlikely categories as well.
Today, we see the high-risk OB/GYN for the first time at 1:30 as part of the management plan developed with my regular OB.
Thanks to everyone for their calls, prayers, and e-mails. Your love and support are making a difficult time more bearable.
To respect everyone’s time, I have created a blog where we will post regular updates. If you would prefer to continue receiving updates by e-mail, let me know and I will add you to an e-mail list. Otherwise, you can check the site at your leisure at http://faithrequired.blogspot.com/
Carie Anne
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Day Three - Holding on to Hope
We are holding on to hope for Baby Wittenberg!!
We went to the doctor’s office last night. Our doctor took another ultrasound (the baby is getting used to getting its picture taken) and the heartbeat was strong (163) and it had the same amount of fluid that it had on Sunday. This is a good sign and may mean that we are not losing any more fluid. The Dr. said that we have a 14% chance that the seal will be re-sealed so we are holding on to hope. If this happens, the fluid SHOULD re-accumulate and the lungs should hopefully develop.
We will be seeing a high risk Dr. tomorrow or Thursday and seeing our regular Dr. pretty regularly.
This next week is critical. Carie Anne could go into labor at any point or develop an infection. The good news is that she woke up dry and without lower back pain.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers.
Brian
We went to the doctor’s office last night. Our doctor took another ultrasound (the baby is getting used to getting its picture taken) and the heartbeat was strong (163) and it had the same amount of fluid that it had on Sunday. This is a good sign and may mean that we are not losing any more fluid. The Dr. said that we have a 14% chance that the seal will be re-sealed so we are holding on to hope. If this happens, the fluid SHOULD re-accumulate and the lungs should hopefully develop.
We will be seeing a high risk Dr. tomorrow or Thursday and seeing our regular Dr. pretty regularly.
This next week is critical. Carie Anne could go into labor at any point or develop an infection. The good news is that she woke up dry and without lower back pain.
Please continue to keep us in your prayers.
Brian
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