Friends,
Once again our daughter Kennedy Faith has beaten the odds and baffled the medical community. She is headed back to Rush Copley in Aurora today after receiving the ok from the vascular surgeon.
So…how did we get here once again…
On Sunday as everyone was enjoying their 4th of July holiday, Brian and I were busy packing and putting finishing touches on the nursery. Just days before, our OB scheduled us for an evening induction on the 4th advising us that the gestational diabetes, early rupture of membranes and my advanced maternal age raised the chance of complications during labor or stillbirth after 40 weeks.
Packed and ready to go, we called Labor and Delivery at 7 p.m. as directed only to find that there was no room in the inn, so our induction was being postponed by an hour or so. By 9:30 p.m. 2 more women had come in with spontaneous labor bumping us to 11. At 11, we spoke to an exhausted nurse, who told us to go bed and someone would call with a new induction time, which turned out to be 7:30 a.m. on the 5th.
How ironic that at 17 weeks, my water broke and they were literally afraid she might fall out at any moment. And now here at 39.5 weeks, my body had made zero progress on letting her out.
Beginning at 10 a.m. I was given a medication every four hours to “ripen” the cervix and thankfully around 8:30 p.m. my water broke naturally sending me into a rapid and strong labor pattern.
At that point, my perfect storm of a pregnancy resulted in me having an experienced labor nurse in my room at all times.
Through the pregnancy, Kennedy has been a mover – constantly wiggling out of the way of the monitors at my bi-weekly non stress tests and her birthday was no different. She spend most of the day frustrating the nursing staff by moving out of the monitors reach every 20 minutes or so.
It was nearly 11 p.m. when she again “fell off” the monitor, but this time there was no finding her. After a quickly placed internal monitor detected a very faint heart beat, the entire Labor and Delivery team descended on my room and I was rushed to the operating room.
Brian told me later that he couldn’t believe how calm I was considering it was clear there was something terribly wrong. As I lay on the operating table and the nurses and doctors rushed to prep me, I felt completely at peace – knowing that no matter what happened God was in control.
Several hours later, I awoke to learn that our baby girl would be transferred to Lutheran General for advanced care. I later found out that she was initially unresponsive when born, her blood gases and oxygen levels were poor and her left leg was completely white with zero circulation. The doctors also discovered a massive blot clot in her umbilical cord and feared a similar clot could be in her leg.
They next day, my OB stopped by with the “good news.” While they have zero idea what caused the blood clot, it appears it had been building for while. Had we not been in the hospital for the induction, we likely would not have detected Kennedy slowly slipping away as the clot cut off her lifeline. Had we not had the perfect storm of a pregnancy, we would not have been under the monitoring that resulted in them “catching” the clot.
Late yesterday, the vascular surgeon cleared Kennedy. Although her original symptoms were consistent with a blood clot, they could find no evidence of one remaining in her body and she is now pink and responsive all over.
As I write this, I am anxiously waiting to hold our miracle baby girl for the first time. She should arrive back at our local hospital later today.
Going into the hospital two days ago, we still didn’t have a final name picked out and I told Brian that when she was born I would be turning to him to choose a name. When I woke up from surgery, he told me that Kennedy Faith had arrived – her name means Strength/Strong Faith. She has been God’s greatest gift to us and through her He has strengthened our faith – revealing his goodness, mercy, comfort and blessing in more ways that we could ever comprehend.
Thanks for your prayers and support along the way. Brian and I will be spending a few days alone with our baby girl in the hospital, and look forward to visiting with many of you over the next few weeks when we get home.
Carie Anne
Wednesday, July 07, 2010
Monday, May 03, 2010
Day 93
Thirty weeks last Friday - yeah! It’s almost hard to believe that three months ago, we were told unequivocally that Baby Girl would not live.
We are now into our third trimester and Baby Girl continues to defy all the odds. She is BIG for her age – thanks in part to the steroids early on and now extra sugar from gestational diabetes. Physically, she seems to be developing perfectly. Because of the early complications, we will still need to closely monitor her developmental progress for the first two years for neurological challenges, but given her development in the womb things look promising.
While Baby Girl’s due date is actually July 9, our doctor has informed us that she will most likely arrive between May 28 and July 2 – doctor’s choice. Right now, she is being monitored weekly and soon twice weekly.
And, I am finally steady on my feet after a few weeks of considerable pain and uneasiness as I began to get up and around for the first time in 10 weeks. Today, I started back to work at the office on a part-time schedule.
After more than two months Brian’s mother is finally out of the hospital and doing well in rehab. She might even be able to come home by the end of the month.
And another answer to prayer, Brian has taken on a new career opportunity. One we hope will provide him greater peace and flexibility as we enter this new stage of our lives.
As Baby Girl has stabilized and life has begun to settle into a new normal, there has been less to share about our journey in this blog. Unless there is a major status change, you can expect to hear from us again when our little miracle arrives.
Before I go, I want to once again, express our deep gratitude for all the support and prayers, we’ve received since January 31. Friends and strangers reached out to provide us support and guidance as we walked through some of the darkest days of our lives. Without you all, we do not know how we would have made it through these past few months.
Our prayer throughout this journey is that the power, love and faithfulness of our Lord, Jesus Christ would be revealed. So today, I close this letter with a familiar prayer found in Ephesians 3 that for us has never rung so true….
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”
Carie Anne
We are now into our third trimester and Baby Girl continues to defy all the odds. She is BIG for her age – thanks in part to the steroids early on and now extra sugar from gestational diabetes. Physically, she seems to be developing perfectly. Because of the early complications, we will still need to closely monitor her developmental progress for the first two years for neurological challenges, but given her development in the womb things look promising.
While Baby Girl’s due date is actually July 9, our doctor has informed us that she will most likely arrive between May 28 and July 2 – doctor’s choice. Right now, she is being monitored weekly and soon twice weekly.
And, I am finally steady on my feet after a few weeks of considerable pain and uneasiness as I began to get up and around for the first time in 10 weeks. Today, I started back to work at the office on a part-time schedule.
After more than two months Brian’s mother is finally out of the hospital and doing well in rehab. She might even be able to come home by the end of the month.
And another answer to prayer, Brian has taken on a new career opportunity. One we hope will provide him greater peace and flexibility as we enter this new stage of our lives.
As Baby Girl has stabilized and life has begun to settle into a new normal, there has been less to share about our journey in this blog. Unless there is a major status change, you can expect to hear from us again when our little miracle arrives.
Before I go, I want to once again, express our deep gratitude for all the support and prayers, we’ve received since January 31. Friends and strangers reached out to provide us support and guidance as we walked through some of the darkest days of our lives. Without you all, we do not know how we would have made it through these past few months.
Our prayer throughout this journey is that the power, love and faithfulness of our Lord, Jesus Christ would be revealed. So today, I close this letter with a familiar prayer found in Ephesians 3 that for us has never rung so true….
“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.”
Carie Anne
Monday, April 19, 2010
Day 79
Dear friends,
Time sure is flying. Last Friday, I hit another important milestone 28 weeks – the odds of Baby Girl being able to survive, if she come early, after this point improve greatly with each passing day. We are so thankful.
Since the last post, I’ve taken the doctor’s advice and very SLOWLY started to get back on my feet. While I yearn to go back to my regular life, somehow, the safest thing to do seems to be to stay in bed. Fortunately, I have not experienced any noticeable leaking. On Wednesday, we will be getting new baby pictures and will know better whether everything is still on track.
Brian and I have enjoyed a couple dinners out and we have attended church together the past few Sundays. Now, if I could only make it through worship without completely breaking down in tears that would be progress. I could blame it on hormones, which certainly exacerbate my emotions, but the truth is this experience has so been so humbling…I cannot help but be overwhelmed and in awe of the faithfulness of our Creator.
Unfortunately the weeks of inactivity have taken a toll on my body in more ways than one. In addition to the exaggerated aches and pains caused by loss of strength in my core muscles, my body has stopped processing sugar adequately and so I am in the process of trying to control a new complication - gestational diabetes. And as of my last appointment, my blood pressure has begun to rise, so the doctors are watching that closely as well.
Nothing has been easy or normal about this pregnancy, so at this point, these new complications are just par for the course. My friends remind me that I’ve never been particularly normal, so what exactly did I expect?
I’m not quite sure what I expected, but I can tell you this wasn’t even in my realm of possibility. Even so, every day, we feel so blessed – knowing that with each day that passes we are beating the odds and our daughter has a greater chance for survival.
Thanks for your prayers!
Carie Anne
Time sure is flying. Last Friday, I hit another important milestone 28 weeks – the odds of Baby Girl being able to survive, if she come early, after this point improve greatly with each passing day. We are so thankful.
Since the last post, I’ve taken the doctor’s advice and very SLOWLY started to get back on my feet. While I yearn to go back to my regular life, somehow, the safest thing to do seems to be to stay in bed. Fortunately, I have not experienced any noticeable leaking. On Wednesday, we will be getting new baby pictures and will know better whether everything is still on track.
Brian and I have enjoyed a couple dinners out and we have attended church together the past few Sundays. Now, if I could only make it through worship without completely breaking down in tears that would be progress. I could blame it on hormones, which certainly exacerbate my emotions, but the truth is this experience has so been so humbling…I cannot help but be overwhelmed and in awe of the faithfulness of our Creator.
Unfortunately the weeks of inactivity have taken a toll on my body in more ways than one. In addition to the exaggerated aches and pains caused by loss of strength in my core muscles, my body has stopped processing sugar adequately and so I am in the process of trying to control a new complication - gestational diabetes. And as of my last appointment, my blood pressure has begun to rise, so the doctors are watching that closely as well.
Nothing has been easy or normal about this pregnancy, so at this point, these new complications are just par for the course. My friends remind me that I’ve never been particularly normal, so what exactly did I expect?
I’m not quite sure what I expected, but I can tell you this wasn’t even in my realm of possibility. Even so, every day, we feel so blessed – knowing that with each day that passes we are beating the odds and our daughter has a greater chance for survival.
Thanks for your prayers!
Carie Anne
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Day 60
Today it is my great pleasure to share with you the good news we received yesterday afternoon. New tests have confirmed that God has performed a miracle - nine weeks after my water broke, it appears my amniotic bag has completely sealed over. Baby girl’s development remains on track.
To put this news in context on January 31 when my water broke at 17 weeks, we were told that Baby Girl could not survive and were advised to initiate labor right then and terminate the pregnancy.
Over the weeks that followed, the experts twice again advised us to “abort the fetus.” We were originally told there was ZERO chance our daughter would develop properly or be born healthy.
With the help of our OB, we found a local doctor who had done research with pPROM patients. He told us that on very rare occasions spontaneous ruptures could seal over and so we began nearly 9 weeks of bed rest. He sees 3-4 pPROM patients weekly and in his 12 years practicing had only seen a spontaneous rupture seal over 3 times.
Yesterday, he told us he believes he has seen it 4 times now. Tests confirm there is no remaining evidence of rupture. Fluid levels are normal and the baby is developing “perfectly normal.” However, there is still no way to know whether she will have certain long term challenges, such as cerebral palsey until she is born.
Now, we embark on the next phase of this journey – trusting in what God has done. And so over the next three weeks, I will slowly get out of bed and return to moderate activity. Another three weeks and we will be past the critical 28 week mark. If all goes well between now and then, the doctors might be persuaded to release me for normal activity by the end of April.
The doctor yesterday explained that it is difficult for doctors to throw out the book and “trust” when there is a “weird” development like this. But, he cannot ignore that at this point I appear to have sealed over. So while the book says Baby Girl should be delivered at 34 weeks, he is in agreement that as long as nothing changes, I can carry her full term (40 weeks) – allowing her to fully develop in the womb and avoid an extended hospital stay when she is born.
To be honest, it is difficult for Brian and I to trust, as well. While bed rest hasn’t been easy, it seems easier than walking into the unknown with all the what ifs. The doctors don’t know what caused my water to break and can’t give us any guarantee it won’t happen again. In some ways, it would be emotionally easier to stay in bed and avoid taking any risks.
But from day one this has been a journey of faith for Brian and I, and today is no different. Why God chose to work in this way in our lives is beyond our comprehension. We believe that God has faithfully answered the prayers of hundreds of friends and strangers and has interceded on our behalf to heal our baby daughter when no doctor or medicine could. And so we will continue to trust in Him, walking obediently by faith day-by-day, casting out fear and resting in His divine plan – no matter what the outcome.
Thank you for your support and prayers!
Carie Anne
To put this news in context on January 31 when my water broke at 17 weeks, we were told that Baby Girl could not survive and were advised to initiate labor right then and terminate the pregnancy.
Over the weeks that followed, the experts twice again advised us to “abort the fetus.” We were originally told there was ZERO chance our daughter would develop properly or be born healthy.
With the help of our OB, we found a local doctor who had done research with pPROM patients. He told us that on very rare occasions spontaneous ruptures could seal over and so we began nearly 9 weeks of bed rest. He sees 3-4 pPROM patients weekly and in his 12 years practicing had only seen a spontaneous rupture seal over 3 times.
Yesterday, he told us he believes he has seen it 4 times now. Tests confirm there is no remaining evidence of rupture. Fluid levels are normal and the baby is developing “perfectly normal.” However, there is still no way to know whether she will have certain long term challenges, such as cerebral palsey until she is born.
Now, we embark on the next phase of this journey – trusting in what God has done. And so over the next three weeks, I will slowly get out of bed and return to moderate activity. Another three weeks and we will be past the critical 28 week mark. If all goes well between now and then, the doctors might be persuaded to release me for normal activity by the end of April.
The doctor yesterday explained that it is difficult for doctors to throw out the book and “trust” when there is a “weird” development like this. But, he cannot ignore that at this point I appear to have sealed over. So while the book says Baby Girl should be delivered at 34 weeks, he is in agreement that as long as nothing changes, I can carry her full term (40 weeks) – allowing her to fully develop in the womb and avoid an extended hospital stay when she is born.
To be honest, it is difficult for Brian and I to trust, as well. While bed rest hasn’t been easy, it seems easier than walking into the unknown with all the what ifs. The doctors don’t know what caused my water to break and can’t give us any guarantee it won’t happen again. In some ways, it would be emotionally easier to stay in bed and avoid taking any risks.
But from day one this has been a journey of faith for Brian and I, and today is no different. Why God chose to work in this way in our lives is beyond our comprehension. We believe that God has faithfully answered the prayers of hundreds of friends and strangers and has interceded on our behalf to heal our baby daughter when no doctor or medicine could. And so we will continue to trust in Him, walking obediently by faith day-by-day, casting out fear and resting in His divine plan – no matter what the outcome.
Thank you for your support and prayers!
Carie Anne
Monday, March 22, 2010
Day 51
Quick Update: Baby girl turned 24 weeks on Friday! Yeah! It is so amazing to feel her kick and squirm now everyday. For the first time in weeks, I feel full of energy… thanks to my first of two steroid shots this week – the second comes tomorrow. We’ll see how great they are when I am trying to sleep tonight - arg.
More...
Getting the shots was a pretty difficult decision. Although I appear to have sealed over (unexplainable miracle) and my amniotic fluid levels are in the normal range (another miracle), the lack of fluid for an extended period of time “probably” put the baby behind in lung development, so in a “typical” pPROM patient the steroids are given at 24 and between 28-30 weeks. But with any intervention there are risks.
There are four doctors who consult regularly on my case and guess what…they didn’t agree on the treatment, leaving Brian and I to weigh our options and then pray we make the right decision. A new friend remarked this is why they call it “practicing medicine.”
Brian’s mother continues to struggle with a serious infection and has been in the hospital for more than 40 days, unable to rid her body of a bacterial infection that is resistant to most antibiotics. As of this weekend, she is on the last two possible antibiotics – so we are praying that one of these works to fight the infection.
The support Brian and I have received and continue to receive through this time has been nothing short of AMAZING – from meals and books to phone calls and visits from friends. Then, of course, are all the new friends we have encountered. People who have walked a similar road before us and are willing to be a resource and listening ear for us now.
One a day I was feeling particularly low struggling with all the changes an uncertainty in our lives, when I received a call from one of these new friends reminding me that God taught us to pray for Daily Bread…not weekly, yearly or five-year plan bread…an difficult concept for a type A gal! She’d been there…she got it.
When I found myself struggling to plan for our baby girl, a new friend dropped me a note reminding me that God promises in Mark 11:24 "Whatever things you desire, when you pray, BELIEVE that you receive them and you SHALL have them." And so Brian and I have begun again to take new steps of faith and make plans for the nursery, as we continue to pray and believe that despite everything, Baby Girl will join us here at home.
I feel like God is teaching both Brian and I so much through this whole experience. I truly believe the lessons we are learning in humility (I’m pausing here for my friends to stop laughing) and dependence on God are so necessary in our journey to parenthood. Although immensely challenging at times, I feel grateful for this time God has provided for us to mature our faith, reevaluate our priorities and strengthen our relationship before Baby Girl arrives, so I choose to praise Him in the storm.
While I still always know the doctors prognosis, I rarely feel discouraged. Now that I feel her kicking and squirming, I CHOOSE to believe that God's healing hand will remain on her and that he will continue providing for all our needs as a family day-by-day.
We are so grateful to be surrounded by the love of our Father, family, friends, and strangers. Thank you all for your continued prayers.
More...
Getting the shots was a pretty difficult decision. Although I appear to have sealed over (unexplainable miracle) and my amniotic fluid levels are in the normal range (another miracle), the lack of fluid for an extended period of time “probably” put the baby behind in lung development, so in a “typical” pPROM patient the steroids are given at 24 and between 28-30 weeks. But with any intervention there are risks.
There are four doctors who consult regularly on my case and guess what…they didn’t agree on the treatment, leaving Brian and I to weigh our options and then pray we make the right decision. A new friend remarked this is why they call it “practicing medicine.”
Brian’s mother continues to struggle with a serious infection and has been in the hospital for more than 40 days, unable to rid her body of a bacterial infection that is resistant to most antibiotics. As of this weekend, she is on the last two possible antibiotics – so we are praying that one of these works to fight the infection.
The support Brian and I have received and continue to receive through this time has been nothing short of AMAZING – from meals and books to phone calls and visits from friends. Then, of course, are all the new friends we have encountered. People who have walked a similar road before us and are willing to be a resource and listening ear for us now.
One a day I was feeling particularly low struggling with all the changes an uncertainty in our lives, when I received a call from one of these new friends reminding me that God taught us to pray for Daily Bread…not weekly, yearly or five-year plan bread…an difficult concept for a type A gal! She’d been there…she got it.
When I found myself struggling to plan for our baby girl, a new friend dropped me a note reminding me that God promises in Mark 11:24 "Whatever things you desire, when you pray, BELIEVE that you receive them and you SHALL have them." And so Brian and I have begun again to take new steps of faith and make plans for the nursery, as we continue to pray and believe that despite everything, Baby Girl will join us here at home.
I feel like God is teaching both Brian and I so much through this whole experience. I truly believe the lessons we are learning in humility (I’m pausing here for my friends to stop laughing) and dependence on God are so necessary in our journey to parenthood. Although immensely challenging at times, I feel grateful for this time God has provided for us to mature our faith, reevaluate our priorities and strengthen our relationship before Baby Girl arrives, so I choose to praise Him in the storm.
While I still always know the doctors prognosis, I rarely feel discouraged. Now that I feel her kicking and squirming, I CHOOSE to believe that God's healing hand will remain on her and that he will continue providing for all our needs as a family day-by-day.
We are so grateful to be surrounded by the love of our Father, family, friends, and strangers. Thank you all for your continued prayers.
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
Day 46
Brian weighs in today....
As many of you have experienced, there are times in your life when you just don’t know what to feel. This is definitely one of those times for Carie Anne and me. We are obviously excited about the news that we received last week at the doctor’s office. This was definitely a feeling of excitement and relief.
Last night when Carie was going to bed, she mentioned to me that the baby hasn’t kicked in a few hours. This is probably something that we shouldn’t worry about but with everything that we have gone through we were obviously nervous. In every conversation with Carie after that, I have asked if she has felt anything. I even went to get a glass of orange juice before laying my head on the pillow because she always responds to that. In my last conversation with Carie, she had heard from Baby Wittenberg. She must have been tired and took off a couple of hours from exercise, just like her father lately.
My mom has been in the hospital since early February and I am at a point of frustration. She has been traveling the path between normal rooms of the hospital to a room in the critical care unit several times. She has gone through many infections, taken every type of antibiotic and has earned the nickname of mystery woman from her doctors. I have visited her a few days this week while wearing a mask and gown and it is painful for me to see my mom feeling this way.
Before starting American Idol last night, Carie asked me how I was feeling about the whole situation and I couldn’t even think of a word.
At my desk at work, I have a copy of last week’s ultrasound that is in view every time I lift my head from my laptop. After staring at it, I am proud to say that she has my nose. Which may be good or bad news depending on how you look at it.
Carie did go see her regular doctor yesterday. All is well. This doctor did suggest that we start a steroid treatment next week to help the lung development. Good thing that she doesn’t play Major League Baseball, yet.
As many of you have experienced, there are times in your life when you just don’t know what to feel. This is definitely one of those times for Carie Anne and me. We are obviously excited about the news that we received last week at the doctor’s office. This was definitely a feeling of excitement and relief.
Last night when Carie was going to bed, she mentioned to me that the baby hasn’t kicked in a few hours. This is probably something that we shouldn’t worry about but with everything that we have gone through we were obviously nervous. In every conversation with Carie after that, I have asked if she has felt anything. I even went to get a glass of orange juice before laying my head on the pillow because she always responds to that. In my last conversation with Carie, she had heard from Baby Wittenberg. She must have been tired and took off a couple of hours from exercise, just like her father lately.
My mom has been in the hospital since early February and I am at a point of frustration. She has been traveling the path between normal rooms of the hospital to a room in the critical care unit several times. She has gone through many infections, taken every type of antibiotic and has earned the nickname of mystery woman from her doctors. I have visited her a few days this week while wearing a mask and gown and it is painful for me to see my mom feeling this way.
Before starting American Idol last night, Carie asked me how I was feeling about the whole situation and I couldn’t even think of a word.
At my desk at work, I have a copy of last week’s ultrasound that is in view every time I lift my head from my laptop. After staring at it, I am proud to say that she has my nose. Which may be good or bad news depending on how you look at it.
Carie did go see her regular doctor yesterday. All is well. This doctor did suggest that we start a steroid treatment next week to help the lung development. Good thing that she doesn’t play Major League Baseball, yet.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Day 42
Dear friends,
Thanks so much for all the prayers and encouragement. There’s not much new to share in the way of developments.
After receiving the positive news on Tuesday, Brian and I were over the moon. We know there is still a long way to go and things could very well change, but right now we have a lot to be thankful for.
As the week wore on the reality of our situation once again set in. Today, I’ve been in bed for 6 weeks and the doctors are hoping I don’t go into active labor until after week 34, which is another 11 weeks away. And then we won’t have even started with baby girl.
17 weeks of bed rest! My favorite place in the world has always been my bed, but I never dreamed I’d be banished here for months on end. I can no longer go to the job I love or out on a date with my husband. I cannot cook a meal or take my dogs for a walk. My life has literally stopped, and yet everything goes on without me.
In my darkest moments, when I contemplate how my perfectly ordered life has slipped through my grasp, I feel as if I am slowly dying. All the daily activities that defined my existence are gone and I feel completely lost.
And then my Father gently reminds me that this too has a purpose as I read in Matthew these words, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.”
Right now, we have only experienced the first part of this promise. Our faith in God’s supreme sovereignty placed Brian and I in the midst of a situation where everything we know has been compromised – our careers, our finances, our home, our friendships, our social lives, our family relationships – just to name a few.
So just as we wait on the future of our Baby Girl, we also wait on God to reveal a new life for us again.
Thanks so much for all the prayers and encouragement. There’s not much new to share in the way of developments.
After receiving the positive news on Tuesday, Brian and I were over the moon. We know there is still a long way to go and things could very well change, but right now we have a lot to be thankful for.
As the week wore on the reality of our situation once again set in. Today, I’ve been in bed for 6 weeks and the doctors are hoping I don’t go into active labor until after week 34, which is another 11 weeks away. And then we won’t have even started with baby girl.
17 weeks of bed rest! My favorite place in the world has always been my bed, but I never dreamed I’d be banished here for months on end. I can no longer go to the job I love or out on a date with my husband. I cannot cook a meal or take my dogs for a walk. My life has literally stopped, and yet everything goes on without me.
In my darkest moments, when I contemplate how my perfectly ordered life has slipped through my grasp, I feel as if I am slowly dying. All the daily activities that defined my existence are gone and I feel completely lost.
And then my Father gently reminds me that this too has a purpose as I read in Matthew these words, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.”
Right now, we have only experienced the first part of this promise. Our faith in God’s supreme sovereignty placed Brian and I in the midst of a situation where everything we know has been compromised – our careers, our finances, our home, our friendships, our social lives, our family relationships – just to name a few.
So just as we wait on the future of our Baby Girl, we also wait on God to reveal a new life for us again.
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